Oh, My, Addison

Chapter Thirty-Six - Both - Past Conflicts

This is going to be a tough chapter. Triggering words/scenario/lots of swearing. 

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Melanie's POV

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After I gathered up all the dishes from the night before, I stood in front of my kitchen sink and started carefully cleaning the wine glasses that were left barely touched. Once Addison and I had our hands on each other, it definitely was way too hard to limit the mess in my house.

I dropped Addison off at Blaire's house nearly an hour ago, and when I returned home to astray pillow cushions, the baking mess from our cookies, and a stray lube bottle or two (don't ask).

I had to be honest, while I washed the dishes I still replayed the events and words said last night through my head. I still couldn't believe that I could call Addison mine, so I had to silently say her name along my lips every few minutes.

Which was a tease, because I could still swear I could taste her on my lips.

I shut off the water while I started lathering up the remainder of the dishes.

I was so whipped. At this point, I could not fathom Addison leaving me. My old ways seemed like a distant, puny memory at the back of my mind, and I could only think of Addison as my future.

However, the circumstances surrounding that were a bit complicated. I knew that I committed to Michigan State for chemistry in the fall. However, knowing how her parents were about money and family, the odds of Addison staying behind in California were quite high. I mean, for fuck's sake, we had to pretend to visit UCLA instead of our little getaway to my house (which of course, her parents did NOT need to know the details about at all.)

I couldn't help but think that there was a part of me that wanted to just attend the same college as Addison to stay with her and avoid all of these complications. However, the majority of me knew that Addison would never forgive me if I switched pathways just because of her. I know I would do the same if our situations were turned around.

Yet, she did mention that she was open to moving out of state so she could get away from her parents, but how close to reality was that idea? Would it ever happen?

Of course, there was the idea that if we did separate coming fall, I would wait for her. I was so in love with my dark-headed girlfriend that I couldn't even think about batting an eye at another female.

But what if Addison used our time apart to experiment? In fact, while our time and sex together is mindblowing, I couldn't help but think that I could perhaps be a phase for Addison. It was her first relationship in general, and while I always told her that my past flings didn't mean anything, I wondered if in the future she'd want to journey around her sexuality and relationships a bit more?

Or, even if we try a long-distance relationship...would our relationship last? I know there would be breaks where I could fly over to see her, but I felt that in a relationship...especially my first serious relationship, it would be important to be there for her through her schooling.

I would yearn to wake up with her in the morning, or sneak into her dorm room when her roommate was off to class. I would feel that I'd need to comfort her during exams, or be by her side when she socialized with other people.

I set a clean glass to the side and tried not to squeeze so hard at the thought of her going to a frat party alone. What if she was intoxicated? Blaire and June wouldn't be there to protect her either. What if the new friends she makes push her to be single again? What if some guy decided-

I shook my head in horror as I completed the dishes and wiped my hands on a towel.

I had to stop thinking about these things. If Addison and I were to make it - long-distance or not - we had to keep learning to trust each other and accept that it was okay to have time apart. We had to be strong together.