Oh, My, Addison

Chapter 40 - Addison - Green

One month later

-

The only times I was able to see Melanie would be during class. Even then, I don't think I was even able to see her. Since the breakup, not a single word has been exchanged between us. There were times after my decision when I almost broke and called her after hours of endless crying. Heck, there was even a time where I made Blaire and June drive by her house just to make sure she was alive - or worse, seeing if she moved on.

But nothing. Even in the classes I shared with her, she was always situated in the back of the classroom with her head down. At first, our teachers would write Melanie up for not paying attention or even taking a nap in class. But after the first write-up turned into five - then ten, they gave up and let her sit quietly in the back with her headphones in and eyes closed.

There was one time where she caught me staring. When I found myself staring at her closed eyes wishing I could catch a glimpse of green, then wandered over to her lips, which looked relaxed and soft. There was a moment when I found myself mentally breaking - thinking I should risk everything I stood for, stand up in the middle of class, and go over and kiss her.

Yet, when she opened her eyes, all I was met with was a dull green. Mel's usual bright eyes were devoid of any emotion except the pain and regret that swept her face a moment after. The usual confident Melanie was gone as she turned her head away faster than I could blink. The familiar tightness in my chest came and stayed for days after, which was the only proof that the look even occurred.

After class, she would hang back to avoid being near me, or worse, the teacher would have to get up and shake her awake. The latter typically involved her begrudgingly moving along to the next class, or the teacher writing her up and making her stay to get an earful. It was hard seeing Melanie like this, and I'm sure all the teachers were confused how a top student could fall so quickly.

All because of me, I thought, but quickly shoved it away in the back of my mind.

No, it was not my fault. She made her choice - multiple times that is, and while I still loved Melanie, my priority should still be myself.

High school was ending. The school year would be over in a little over a month. After that, Blaire, June, and I would have a whole summer of shenanigans, building memories, and then moving forward with our lives.

I closed my locker shut as I felt my breath catch in my throat.

I was moving out of state in August. As soon as the thought returned to me, I felt as if a hole from my phone was being burned in my pocket.

While the breakup wrecked me - continues to wreck me, the deadline of accepting my scholarship was weeks ago. After thinking it over, mulling over the financial possibilities, and my future, I found myself staring at my computer minutes before the midnight deadline and clicking on the green acceptance button.

I'd be moving to Michigan to pursue my dream of becoming a teacher - away from my family and doing something I loved.

Without Melanie.

It was eating me alive. And not because I would be living my life away from her at the same college, but mostly because there was a portion of me that felt like she deserved to know. Yet, the other portion of me knew that I did not owe her anything.

So, why was I feeling guilty?

Was it because I haven't told my family yet?

Or was it more about Melanie?

What would be the odds of us even seeing each other on campus anyway? She was planning on entering as a Chemistry major, and myself as History Education. Both of us took enough AP credits to most likely skip most basic electives. What if fate put us in the same room with each other hundreds of miles away?