Say You'll Stay

Hidden Truths

They rode in a steady pace, shouting Zayden's name, while looking for anything to give them a sign of his whereabouts. Spence checked in with everyone else, but no such luck. They spent two hours riding down the river, Olivia's hope drained with every passing minute. Worry gripped her throat, sucking any life from her that she had left. She couldn't manage much besides some short breaths every now and again. She wondered if he was sleeping, freezing, afraid, or hurt. Faint memories flooded and assaulted her thoughts one by one. How he felt in her arms the minute she gave birth, the way she held his tiny hand in hers with her finger. When he said "ma" for the very first time, or her remembering the way he would look at her when he'd do something bad. Zayden was always the sneakier and more mischievous of her two, but he was so adorable, she could never stay mad for long. He was her baby. Growing up, Laura would say, "God doesn't give us more than we can handle". She truly felt she's reached full capacity at this time. Spencer slowed down, waiting for her.

"You alright?"

"Not even close"

"You need to rest for a bit?" He asked showing his concern. She glanced at him with an blank stare. She wasn't stopping, nothing was going to keep her from searching.

"Every minute wasted is a minute needed"

"Try eating something" He handed her a chocolate chip granola bar.

"You had a lot to drink and need your energy if we're going to keep going"

He was right so she took it from his hand, taking a few bites with a small smile appearing.

"You remembered, thanks. I appreciate you for doing this with me" She says softly.

"You know I'd do anything for you Liv" He answers trotting forward. She pulled back on her reins, stopping, and waiting for him to turn around.

"You can't be saying stuff like that to me," She demanded.

"Don't fuck with my head, I'm messed up enough, can't you see that?" Spencer closed the distance between them.

"You're in pain, you're not messed up, there's a difference" She scoffed lightly under her breath.

"Why are you doin this?" Shaking her head. 

"You got her, why say these things to me, huh?"

Spencer hopped down, grabbing the bridle, forcing her to stop right where she was.

"You know, I was planning to propose to her, the day you came back here? You know why Layla doesn't have a ring on her finger?"

She didn't want to hear about this.

"Stop right there, I can't do this right now" Tears formed as she contemplated everything that's went down tonight. It was too much. He looked up to the sky letting out an heavy breath, feeling an bit, helpless and restless, but more than that, defenseless.

"You're right, now's not the time for this. When you're ready to listen, after we find Zayden, and hear the truth, I'll be here" Spencer let go of his horse walking towards the water. Her chest ached in more ways than one. She wanted to know how he felt but didn't at the same time. She watched him bend down splashing the water in his face. Deep down, everyone was exhausted, frightened, and praying for a miracle right now. She didn't know why, but she got down. Her feet moved on their own accord until she was standing beside Spencer. She needed to be close to him, wanted to be close to him. She needed some flicker of hope that everything would be okay. His arms wrapped around her back and she slowly turned into him.

"Just hold me" She requested, and he obliged. He held her close, and securely. Held her in the way she hasn't been held in a very long time. Last time she was held like that was with Jadyn. She closed her eyes, resting in his safety. She tried to find her center, feel the world surrounding her, allowing the calm to wash over. She felt so lost, weightlessly finding herself drifting, while hoping something would tether her. Right now, she felt as if she's been caught and she might be able to stand on her own, for once in her life. In his arms, she had the courage to fight longer. Her fingers gripped his shirt, slowly raising her gaze until it found his eyes. She held on with everything she had. She didn't want to let go, or float anymore.