Say You'll Stay

Fair Game

"Mama" She heard Zayden speak from the door.

"What's the matter baby?"

"Can I lay wit you?"

This was the second night this week he's found his way to his room.

"Of course" She lifted the covers letting him climb in. Zayden rested as she brushed his hair back. Zayden suffered from nightmares, and the only way she could get him to sleep in his bed until the sleep took over. Jadyn was never able to soothe him long enough, so she was the one who'd end up cuddling with him. When they were small, she used to wish their time away, wanted them to talk, walk, and feed themselves. Now, she would give anything to have those moments with them again. His breathing evened out.

"I miss him" he says in a hushed tone.

"Who?" She asked, even though she was fully aware of who he was talking about.

"Dad"

"I know you do" She's been trying so hard to rid herself of the anger that festered inside of her. Knowing that they could've avoided that pain makes it even more impossible to let go. It was so hard to reconcile. There were no warning signs that he was headed in this direction. She thought back on the period of time when he was out of work, and she blamed herself for being so oblivious. She wish she had known, she should've known. She was his wife, his partner, and she wrestled with this guilt every day.

"Was he sick?" This was the part she hated.

"No, not that we knew of, at least" She danced around with half-truths. She wanted to say to some extent that he had been sick, but that wasn't what Zayden was asking her. He turned over, facing Olivia. His big hazel eyes are full of innocence, the one thing she was trying so desperately to save. The world was full of ugly truths, and children shouldn't have to deal with the burdens that come with that.

"I wanna go back home" he says with tears invading his eyes.

"I miss my friends, my room, and I miss Aunt Nina"

"I wish we could baby, I really do" She kissed his head. 

"I miss her too. But this is home now, You gotta focus on the good things here in Dallas" She was preaching to the choir.

"I mean, I like my horse"

"See?" She smiled.

"I like Uncle Jordan and Dillon. He's hilarious" they both laugh.

"We've been friends since I was a baby. You know that?" Zayden's eyes widened.

"He knew you when you were smaller?"

"Hey" she chides. "I'm still very much young"

"Sure ma, whatever you say" She gasped theatrically tickling his sides, and he giggles without restraint. That was a sound she missed. Even now when they'd laugh, it felt like it took major effort.

"I'm twenty-eight, say it" She continues.

"No you're not ma"

"Say it now or prepare to endure the wrath of my tickles"

Zayden squirmed and laughed as he refused to say that. Finally, he gave in.

"Fine! Fine! You're twenty-eight" She lied back as though she was exhausted, letting out a huff.

"You're so sweet to say such nice things to your mama"

"Right, only in your dreams Ma"

"Okay crumb snatcher" they both laughed a little before settling down. This right here, felt normal. It was like she had her life back. They needed more of this. She needed more of this. She'll never be able to go back to who she was before, but that didn't mean she couldn't be happy. The twins were her happiness.