Say You'll Stay

Dark Thoughts

A/N: I'd encourage you to listen to the song as you read!

While Spencer slept in the shed, Olivia went back inside to get ready for her day. The growing pit in her stomach started to fester. It was true that she was wrong for not telling him sooner about the baby. Their baby, but she was a teenager. Eighteen. She wanted to tell him, so many times, but after they broke up, it seemed irrelevant. She didn't know if they would last, and the memory was very painful when she thought about it. She couldn't even say the words. Everytime the feeling came back to her, remembering how he left being her focus, not the baby that had been growing inside of her. Her breathing slowed as she headed out to the shed, only to find him gone.

Why would he leave like this? We need to talk. Her thoughts ran off. Her eyes wandered the space believing he was actually gone.

Nah, he wouldn't do this to me.

"Looking for me?" His deep voice rumbled from behind her shadow.

"Spence" She turned to face him. He strode towards her with purpose.

"You. Lied. To. Me"

He knows.

Spencer challenged her with his eyes to even attempt to deny it.

"I-I didn't want you to find out this way, I was going to tell you"

"When?" He bellowed.

"When were you planning to tell me, we had a baby?" Neither of them moved. She wanted to tell him everything, but how could this be explained? She was young, dumb, broken, and completely wrecked at the time.

"I-I....it was a long time ago" Spencer took a step back. His eyes avoided hers, darting around.

"I can't" Spencer turned, brushing past her. She pulled him back to her, catching his arm.

"Spencer please. I was going to tell you so many times...then I didn't want to. You have to understand, thinking about it just hurt me. I was already in enough pain"

Telling Spencer was futile. She was wrong to keep it from him, but she had her reasons. Loss had surrounded her for the past year. All she did was lose people, things, jobs, children, even life. She wanted to gain for once. Bringing up that baby only reminded her of another painful loss she could check off that list. Spencer faced her.

"You had a baby. We had a baby."

"No" She said firmly, looking down with an flood of tears pouring out of her eyes.

"I lost him"

"Him?" He choked up.

"I found out I was pregnant two weeks after you left. I carried him for seventeen weeks, then I miscarried"

His eyes bored into hers as he broke down.

"You couldn't tell me? You didn't think I deserved to know?"

"We were broken up Spencer!"

"So what?! Fuck Olivia! How could you keep this from me? How could you look at me after all these years and not tell me?"

She lost herself when it happened. Anger, sadness, feeling of utter failure looming over her for months. Each night, she would wake up in tears, clutching her stomach, begging for Spencer to come back. Her life then had been a dark and ugly cloud.

"I just couldn't tell you. When you left, part of me disappeared. A huge, aching hole pushed through me, then I found out I was pregnant. I was so mad. I hated you for leaving" She explained.