Love in Limbo

Prologue

I can't recall anyone ever explaining why it happened or how. I just know that I spend a lot of my time in a room with beeping machines, and my Father who was now mostly mute and half of the man he was before. The words on the chart above my Father's head read Traumatic brain Injury. I can't process the feeling that this all evokes but I want to scream. I know I want to scream. It was all horrifically unfair and I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I escape the room and head down to the cafeteria, it is cloaked in darkness, the time is eight fifteen, but this is an old people's facility and nobody is usually up past eight. I am stunned to find I am not alone. A lone figure is kicking the coffee machine. I smile at their attempts to get the ancient relic working by destroying it. I must have let out a laugh because she whips around as shocked to find herself in company, as I was.

"I'm sorry, I can't get this damn thing to work and all I need is one cup of coffee, one. Is that too much to ask" She asked, moving closer into the light of the hallway that I am standing in. "My name is Sarah...Sarah Cooper" she offers "are you visiting someone here" she adds, taking me in.

She nervously tucks her dark hair behind her ears. I am struck then by her acknowledgment of me. I stick out my hand with enthusiasm. "My name is Cassidy, you may call me Cass or Cassie or even the good ole given name of which my Father and Mother would be thrilled for you to use. Apparently, they name us for a reason" I add with a smile. "And they have reminded my friends of that at every opportunity"

"I wouldn't want to upset the parents" she says, mirroring my smile.

"Are you a new employee" I ask, breaking eye contact and heading over the dark cafeteria. I point to the plug of the coffee machine on the floor with a smile, and feel her come up beside me as she bends and plugs it back into the wall. "I am beyond embarrassed" she confesses holding her hands over her eyes. "I'm nineteen years old and I still can't tell if a machine is plugged in or not..."

She takes a deep breath before slumping into the plastic chair at the table behind us. I continue to make her a coffee.

"I'm here visiting my Grams" she tells me, taking the coffee cup from my hand that is stretched out in front of her.

"Is she a new intake" I ask, taking the seat beside her.

"Yes" she replies, taking a sip of her coffee and letting out a little moan as the warm liquid travels down her throat. "She moved in this morning. She's end of life care." She adds, with a crack of emotion to her voice.

"Oh" I deflate, feeling her sense of grief "I'm so sorry to hear that"

I place my hand on hers. She looks down instantly at the gesture, and I realize I've made contact. She doesn't know me, and I don't know her... and yet I'm touching her. I release my hand and pull it into my lap, like it had taken on a life of its own and its actions were not mine.

She lifts the cup back to her mouth and sips, before placing the mug down and nursing it with both hands "I came to live with her last spring. My Grams that is. My Mom remarried and took off to California with her new man. She took my college tuition money with her, and with it every last bit of love and affection I ever had left. I don't think I will ever see her again if I'm honest."

"Wow" is all I can say, because what I really want to say isn't polite or appropriate for someone I don't know all that well.

"Grams is my Dad's mother. My Dad lives in Germany, he's in the army. He doesn't come home much, and when he does he already has a gaggle of little's with his second wife Daria in Oklahoma.. I don't belong there" she sits forward, placing her hands between her knees. "I don't think I belong anywhere" she adds. "And I've just completely over shared" she said under her breath, embarrassed and pushing her hands under her legs as if to contain herself.

"Well, I'm sure glad that you came to Milford, your Grams obviously wanted you here with her, and I am very glad to have met you too Sarah. There's no such thing as oversharing with me either, so don't even worry about it"

Without hesitation she leans forward, and wraps her arms around me in a hug. I find myself frowning at the physical contact, a sensation that has evaded me for eighteen months. I flinch and pull away with tears stinging my eyes.

"Are you okay" she asks, worried at the tears being held weakly by my eyelashes. They fall down my cheeks, not to be held back another moment, disappearing into my lips, which are parted in a moment of complete raw shock.

"I'm fine" I lie, standing and finding my balance. "I have to go and visit with my father now"

She nods, and turns to watch as I walk away "it was nice to meet you too Cassidy" she calls after me.

I leave hurriedly, because how do I tell her...that I'm not visiting with my Dad, but that he is visiting with me.