Love in Limbo

Chapter Nineteen

"Will this be okay honey" My Mom asked with open arms and a nervous smile that seemed full of so much suspense and worry.

"Of course it is Katherine" My Dad responded as he took my arm, wrapping it around his shoulders and lifting me up from my wheelchair into his arms.

"Its perfect Mom" It was the words she needed to hear "perfect" If my Mom didn't hear that word then nothing would do. She had a hurricane to silence in her mind, and I could help, since that hurricane was me and the guilt surrounding me. My Mom was a mess, and unusually, it was spilling out of her perfect demeanor, threatening to expose her inner torture and reveal her guilt to the world. I had told her many times that I of course understood, and that I forgave her for believing I was dead. It was kind of a lie, because part of me was truly devastated that in her eyes I was dead before I had even stopped breathing...but I couldn't linger there in a place of anger or disappointment. I had to move away from the pain, it was suffocating. I had no idea what my family had been through these past eighteen months and if my Mom had to believe that I was dead to get through the torture of it then I had no right to throw it back in her face. I didn't think that more pain for anyone was worth it in the end. We had to move forward, and I had to move forward too. I couldn't turn back now, and I couldn't look back either, because what was behind us was hell. I didn't think I would survive that, even now as I walked away I felt it licking at my heels, the flames of pain, of loss and of time lost.

"What is she... the queen of Sheeba" Blair called out jovially, as she entered the pool house.

"Let me help you Mr Colonel" Cameron called coming from beside Blair and taking my left arm and half of my weight as they lowered me to the couch beside the large glass window. It looked out over the expanse of the yard and the pool which was currently hidden in the dark of the night.

"Do you want to be on the bed instead" my Dad asked "Because I can put you anywhere you want baby" He asked flustered, and desperate to make me happy.

"Dad... here is fine" I finally replied, looking around the room and noting all the extra pieces of furniture they had acquired for the space. There was a desk, a new bed, a kitchen full of utensils, a hoist beside the bed and a portable toilet. My Mom followed my gaze, and quickly interjected my thoughts "It's only in case you can't make it to the bathroom at night"

My Dad followed our eyes to the bed and the portable toilet that sat beside it "We can take it away" he says "If you want us to"

"Its fine" I replied, quietly touching my throat with my fingertips at the sensation of glass in there as I spoke.

"No, it's thoughtless I'm sorry" He apologised, wheeling the toilet into the bathroom. "Katherine, keep it in here" he orders, taking a tone with my Mom "If you had spent more time at the hospital, you would know it's where they keep it for a person's dignity"

My Mom flinches at his words and leaves the room in a hurry. My Dad realises what he's said and takes off after her. "Sorry" he apologised again as he leaves the doorway.

Blair collapses onto the couch beside me, making me lean sideways with her weight. "Those two are a mess" she comments, taking my hand and placing it in hers.

Cameron sits beside her and wraps his arm around her waist "Been like that over a year now" he tells me.

I look to them both, and realise this is the mess that our family have fallen into since I've been gone. "It's my fault" I whisper, deep in thought.

Blair practically lifts me onto her lap. "Cass it's nothing to do with you, please don't worry about them...they haven't been right for years"

"But I've pushed them over the edge haven't I" I whisper through tears.