Love in Limbo

Chapter Seven

The weekend had come and gone, and my Father had been here every night as usual. They were pretty silent visits, where he would sometimes nap, sometimes watch me sleep for a couple hours, and then chat with Gloria for a bit about life outside. I heard how Rose had joined baseball, that made me happy, she was my old jersey number, eight. I could picture her little red beetroot face, as she stood to bat, she always went beet red when she was worried, her strawberry blonde hair always made it appear worse. We thought it was cute, but of course she was almost a teenager now, a sight I longed to see, teenage Rose.

"And Blair's got her last day of school tomorrow" my Father told Gloria proudly.

I went and sat beside him, wanting to hear more.

"Blairs graduating" Gloria asked, enthusiastically. "Jack, your girls are sure grown"

"I know it" he agrees, standing and coming to my side. He brushes his large hand over my forehead, before leaning down and kissing my temple.

I watch from the chair "I love you Daddy" I whisper.

"See you tomorrow Cassidy" He says, before turning to leave "See you then Glo" he adds, before turning back with a question ""Glo, are you free Monday next for Memorial Day" he asks.

Gloria removes her latex gloves and smiles "Working" she replies "Someone has to work the holidays" she reminds him, squeezing his shoulder. "I sure do love celebrating with these guys here though" she says fondly, changing the bag on the feeding machine.

"Okay, well if you get off early...we are throwing a party, well Katherine is. We would love to have you, you are like family now Glo" he says affectionately, looking at her fondly.

"Thanks Jack, I will remember that" she replies appreciatively.

My Father leaves the room, and I watch Gloria attend to all of my needs. She does some physical therapy with my limbs, and tells me "So that you can wake up and dance, darling girl... just so you can dance" as she plays us some soul music.

I watch Gloria, smiling at her dancing, wishing I could stand and join her, and I do, not that she can see me. I dance around the room with her, and we both laugh, loud obnoxious and unforgiving laughs of joy. Gloria has never actually met me, but as well as my father, Gloria is my new best friend, and I can't wait to tell her that one day, in person. The true heart and sincerity of a nurse can be seen in the moments that nobody is watching. Gloria was indeed family.

I walked down to the cafeteria both nights of the weekend. I sat, for hours, hoping Sarah would come by. I had spent whole days wondering if she would ever come back. Had I scared her away for good?! I needed to see her face so that I could gage what she was feeling. I shouldn't have kissed her, it was selfish of me when I have nothing to give but uncertainty. Sarah deserved more than that, and much, much, more than me. I just had to see her one more time, to be sure she was okay, and to explain.

I watched a few residents slowly walk down the hall, neither saw me, and I considered going to see Silvia. Sarah could be visiting with her. I debated with myself back and forth before standing and making my way down the hall to room three hundred, almost on auto pilot. I stopped when I saw the light of her doorway. I paused, and listened for a moment, hearing nothing but the tv. I stepped closer to the door, reaching and pushing it open as I entered the room slowly. My eyes followed the sound of snoring, to Silvia, she was asleep in her bed with the tv control slipping through her fingers, about to fall from the bed. I lunged forward, catching it before it made a huge noise, hitting the floor and waking her. Instead, Silvia's eyes opened with a startle, and she came face to face with me. I was stood beside her bed, the remote in my hand.

"Cassie" she whispered. "Is Sarah here? Are we sharing a delusion again?! I could have sworn I ordered a cruise for the next one, as exciting as this is to see you" she said, sitting herself up and catching her breath. "Help me sit will you" she asked quietly, whilst handing me a plumped pillow.

I placed it behind her back and stood awkwardly, not knowing how to answer her question, of which I knew there must be many more.

"Are you not freaked out?! That you can see me" I finally ask.

She puts on her glasses, and takes my hand, guiding me down beside her on the bed "Sit" she asks.

I do, and she places her hand over mine. "Honey, I'm about cooked. I got weeks. Nothing more frightening as knowing I'm about to leave my darling Sarah here on her own. With that god awful mother, and my son Christopher, her absent father. They will be sniffing about for inheritance before I'm even cold in the ground"

I place my right hand over hers affectionately. "So, you see, seeing you Cassidy Colonel, it isn't scary, and it's not terrifying. This isn't poltergeist. This is seeing an angel, and knowing whatever is next...it isn't the end"

She smiles at me, and I feel safe for a moment, to be seen like this is all that I need to feel I'm not alone. It all feels a little less like hell, and a little more like hope. So much hope that I will one day be home.

"Has Sarah been to see you this weekend" I ask, holding my breath for the answer.

Silvia turns the tv off and gives me her full attention. "She came by a couple hours ago" she confesses "She didn't stay too long, she's doing a late shift at work. I don't think she much likes being home alone" she adds.

Her eyes find mine waiting, and I sit quietly, mulling over that news. She had been here and she hadn't come by to see me.

As if reading my mind, Silvia pats my knee and squeezes it affectionately "She will be back honey" she whispers. "Sarah feels everything so deeply...sometimes she needs a minute to process before she can truly move forward. I'm not sure what happened between you, all I know is she seemed a little off weather when she stopped by. She wasn't herself. I think anyone would need a moment to digest a Casper the ghost moment" she adds with a smile. "and I mean that respectfully of course...Unlike your own mother I know you aren't dead Cassie... Sarah knows it too, which is why she is terrified"

I meet Silvia's concerned expression. "Why is she terrified" I ask, uncertain of what she means.

"Because my darling, if you are alive, that means that you could then die. You could leave, and take her heart right along with you"

"She's more scared that I am alive then she would be if I was dead" I ask, wanting to understand.

"Exactly" Silvia replies "She's been through a lot of trauma as a child, and even though she's overcome so much of it, she still has fears, don't we all" she adds, with a knowing look.

"yes" I quietly admit "I fear, never waking up" I confess.

Silvia pulls me into her frail arms. "Cassidy Colonel this life isn't done with you just yet" she whispers confidently. "It's going to be beautiful, bright and absolutely glorious the moment you open those eyes...I hope I get to see it" she says, stroking my hair sweetly like my own mother used to do as she tucked me into bed at night.

"I hope so too Silvia" I reply, resting my head on her shoulder.