Love in Limbo

Chapter Twenty Two

Walking past Cassie's old room at the facility brought back memories I couldn't smother. It felt like the Cassie I knew was still here somewhere, left behind in the chaos, and walking the halls like a tortured spirit. The Cassidy I had just departed from at the Colonels didn't see me anymore. I had been deleted from her consciousness like a lost file on a corrupted memory card. It was more evident the more I saw her, and the more I did see her, the more it hurt, yet I knew if there was ever a chance of her finding me again, I had to try. I would have to remain a part of her life whether that was just as a friend or even just an acquaintance through Blair's friendship. I honestly wasn't sure though if Cassidy even wanted to be my friend at this point. Tonight when I had slipped up, I felt the energy change, and she had pulled away further.

I wished I could read her damn mind.

The fact was, I had to consider that she may never remember us, or the time we had spent together, and I would have to be okay with it. All I wanted to do was to comfort her, kiss her, hold her, and tell her how much I loved her. Once upon a time I had been home to her, and now I wasn't even the post box, I hadn't even made the drive. I was nothing.

I took a deep breath, and stopped walking to hold onto the window, steadying myself as if I may faint from the emotion coursing through me. The waves of grief were coming relentlessly tonight, perhaps because I had been with her today, and yet not, at the same time. I honestly felt sometimes like it took my breath away how much I adored her.

My ears pricked to the sound of laughter coming down the hall, it was Grams. I let go of the window and righted myself, walking slowly, intrigued by the sounds coming from her room. I came to a stop behind the door, bracing myself for the scene ahead, acknowledging the laughter was familiar and knowing exactly who it was on the other side before I had even pushed the door open. I lifted my hand and pushed lightly as the room slowly came into view. Grams was sat playing cards with Maddie, they were sat side by side on the bed, the food table pulled over the bed and laden with cards and a couple drinks with straws.

Maddie glanced over with the movement of the door. "Oh...hey" she said cautiously, clearly not realising that I knew she had been visiting.

"Sarah Sunshine" Grams called out from beside her. "Maddison is trying to whoop me at Cribbage"

Maddie didn't know what to do with herself, she stood and walked over to where I was at the door, coming to stand beside me. We both looked back to Grams, she was taking a sip of her drink and fiddling with her cards. "I hope you don't mind" she said, looking briefly to me. "I just had to see her again. I couldn't leave it with her hating me Sarah"

I honestly didn't mind that Maddie had visited, not now I had thought about it. Grams liked the company, and I knew she had really liked Maddie back when we had been together. I think that was why Grams took our break up as personally as she did, and disliked her as much as I had. Maddie broke her heart too, by vanishing from her life as she did mine.

"It's okay" I replied quietly, smiling back to Grams "but just so you know" I teased "she is looking at your cards" I tell her, glancing back to see Maddie's reaction.

Her eyes widen. She turns and moves quickly, back to the bed, whipping her hand of cards from Grams and holding them against her chest. "Silvia" she chastised "Unfair"

"Come on Sarah. Come join us" Grams says with a smile. "We can play something else"

"Oh, I bet you want to play something else Silvia...now that you've seen you are going to lose" Maddie accuses, letting out a whoosh of a breath. "Honestly" she states again, disbelieving, and she takes the cards and shuffles them once more.

I laugh at the scene in front of me. I had forgotten about the games nights we had spent at Grams kitchen table playing cards. Maddie had spent a lot of time there in the moments I had been in town and with her.