Love in Limbo

Chapter Thirty

"Where is everyone" I ask, looking around the parlour to each room, and the silence that we find it in.

"Rose is at summer camp... and your father wasn't expecting us home until dinner time. I expect he's still at work"

"And Blair" I ask, turning back to my Mother.

My Mom removes her silk scarf that's wrapped around her neck like a snake and places it on the table that's occupying the centre of the room. "She's at work I imagine" she replies, taking a breath and walking into the family room. "This place is actually cleaner than expected" she says impressed.

"Oh yes, at the summer camp" I remember. "I can't believe she got to work there this summer. I would have loved that job"

My Mom turns to me as she sits down on the couch, and she pats the spot beside her.

I walk over confidently, one foot in front of the other. Im still unable to believe how far I have come this summer with my body strength and mental health. I take the seat beside her and we both sit back sinking into the chair comfortably.

"You've got next summer" she replies. "And so much fun to catch up on in the meantime Cassidy" my Mom reassured me with a smile, and a squeeze of my hand.

"I wonder if anyone else from school is working the camp this summer" I ask.

I hadn't spoken with Blair directly in a few weeks, and when we did, we kept it brief. In all honesty I couldn't cope with news from Milford, and most importantly news of Sarah.

"Hasn't she filled you in" my Mom asks a little taken aback. "I thought you girls told each other everything" she remarks.

"Not everything" I almost whisper. "You know Mom I think I'm going to pop out"

"Out" my Mom asks, sitting up in shock "on your own" she asks, a little taken aback.

"My therapist said it will be good for me to find my independence again... especially now I'm back on two feet"

"Well okay, but where are you going" she asks, following me to the door.

I grab my bag from the table and slip the slim strap over my shoulder "I'm not sure yet" I muse, as I step out onto the porch, placing my black aviators onto the bridge of my nose.

"Well...be back for dinner" Moms says worriedly.

I knew letting me out of her sight would be hard, we had been together for two months solid, but I needed to breathe... alone.

I turn and smile "I will Mom" I assure her, before walking to the end of the drive and turning once more to wave and offer a reassuring smile.

She watches me like a hawk until I am out of sight. As I walk the pavements I contentedly swoon at the summer flowers and the blossoms, and with every wave of content an image of Sarah begins to form. Sarah's lips, her smile, the twinkle in her eyes and then the deeper memories flood in. Her warm embrace as she wraps me against her naked flesh, the sounds of her pleasure, and the way in which she kissed me, soft and languid. She was attentive and wanting. Sarah had come back to me in pieces over the summer, until eventually it hit me like an artic truck, unrelenting and painful, overwhelming and torturous. I didn't know how to make the pain stop, and all I could do was to push it down and avoid it and focus on my recovery in Arizona. I knew that was my first fight, to reclaim my body and to learn how to mourn my friends without having a mental break down. I also knew on my return to Milford, that I would have to face the inevitable loss of Sarah, a loss so profound it could destroy me. Sarah wasn't dead, this loss was different, she was living and breathing, just out of reach, and presumably with someone else. Maddison, the girl I had pushed her towards whilst not understanding the extent of my actions.