Chapter Three

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Sarah had hit a deeply disturbed nerve when she had asked how Blair was. How can I even answer that question? Blair is mourning the girl you are currently talking too. Blair is not okay and neither am I. How can I carry on this charade, continuing to talk to Sarah. I couldn't see her anymore. Speaking to Sarah and Silvia was a painful reminder that I am stuck, and that I can't reach the people I love. I needed contact, but I didn't want it this way. I needed to be home, inside my body, home with my family and my life. I needed Sarah to forget she had ever met me before she put two and two together. I promised myself I would not see her again, even though deep down I felt a pull to go to her this very minute. I just didn't know why that was.

...

I walked the route to the gas station with a can in my hand, ready to fill it and take it back to my car. I had spent the night tossing and turning in bed, and had dark circles under my eyes to prove it. I was thrown by the news about Cassidy, and although hungry to know more I also felt terrified to find the answers. I knew it wasn't Cassidy I had spoken too, of course it wasn't, but I needed to know who that girl was, because I couldn't deny the pull I was feeling towards her.

I trudged along the side of the road towards town avoiding the mud to save my suede boots from being destroyed. I looked up now and again at the houses I passed and without realizing it I followed the roads to Webber Avenue. I stopped by the road sign and hesitated, realising my subconscious had led me a merry dance to my destination and the answers I sought. I thought about turning back before the board my Grams had mentioned caught my eye. I walked along further until I was in front of the stone home, it was a large home, with a lot of windows, two stories and a sprawling lawn in front with a colorful array of spring flowers. The senior board of Blair was sat next to one with the football squad on from the high school.

"Go rams" I whispered, taking it in. I found my eyes drawn back to Blair, it took my breath away how much she looked like her, and like a punch to the guts I felt winded by the realisation.

I stepped back into the road, accidentally stumbling at the realisation that hit me. She must be Cassidy.

A large truck beeped at me, and swerves to miss me as I stumbled backwards. "Watch it lady" the guy called as he sped off agitatedly.

"I'm sorry" I call after him, taking a few steps back to the sidewalk.

The sound of a door shutting behind me stunned me out of my daze. I turn unsteadily towards the shape coming towards me, it is Blair. "Can I help you" she asks, looking me up and down questioningly.

My fingers go numb, and I drop the gas can in return. The can makes a loud noise as it hits the concrete beneath my feet. "Sorry" I apologise, as I gather myself and pick the can up.

"No, I'm sorry" she apologised, as I begin walking away in a nervous state. Blair walks fast, catching up and falling in line with my pace. "I know you" she confesses. "Francis" she asks, taking my elbow and stopping me.

I find my eyes looking anywhere but at her directly. "It's Sarah now" I reply, releasing her hand from my arm.

"What are you doing in town" She asks, shocked to see me after so long. "Are you visiting your Grams" she asks.

"You remember" I ask, surprised. I am taken aback after so many years that she has.

"Of course" she replies. "How are you" she adds.

We move aside, making room for a couple who pass us on the sidewalk. Blair pulls me onto the bench behind her "I'm good thanks" I return with a smile "and yes, I am staying, no, correction, living, with my Grams now"

"Amazing" she says with a warm smile. "How have we not bumped into each other yet" she asks.

"I've been working a lot, and looking after Gram. She's actually just gone into the Happy Homes facility on Hawthorne close. I took her up on Wednesday. She's end of life care now, even though you wouldn't believe it to see her or speak with her, but they have only given her a few months"

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