Now's Your Chance!!! Spamton x Reader

Dumpster Diving

He wants your soul.

...He can't be serious.

You laugh in his face. Your soul is sucked back into your chest, its pearly glow spreading through you and then fading. Spamton grimaces.

"Hey, hey, hey! [[WRONG ANSWER]]!! You need me, kid!! I'm the best [[DEALS]] of the best!!!" He grabs you by the collar, pressing his nose hard against yours. "Come on, say you're interested!!! I'm [[eating worms]] here!!!"

You can't meet his eyes, your smile fading. He's definitely serious. Desperately so.

He backs off, dusting you off with his hands. He's visibly sweating, trying to please you.
"I'm- Lightner, it's [[FREEDOM]] for us both!!! Say yes, and I'll- I'll lick your [[Boots, Half-Off]]!! I'll do your laundry!! I'll give you [[Groupon For Couple's Massage]]!!! Anything you could possibly want!!" 

You swallow thickly. "Spamton, I... you said it yourself. I'm not worth all of that. And even if I was, I don't really..."

His eyes are wide, and he's trembling. He looks like he's about to cry.

"It's my soul... That's a lot to promise to a stranger..." You feel terrible letting him down like this, even if it's over something where the choice is obvious. It's just something in his the way he looks at you...

But he perks up rather than breaking down.

"Then let me be your [[Friend Request]]! Think of it as a... free trial. I'm a [[hot singles near you]], you're a [[all alone on a late night?]]- it's perfect! I'll help you with your [[Cheap Glowsticks]] problem, [[100% OFF!!!!]]. And when you're in good shape... then you decide." His voice shudders violently. Advertisements riddle his speech, and he's almost incomprehensible. Even so, you get his point.

Still, should you trust him...? He doesn't seem particularly, how do you put this... sane. But you have no one else to turn to. 

Fuck it. You really do need him. 

He reaches out a hand.

"[[Deal]]?"

"Deal."

He grins broadly.

"EAHAHEEHAHEAHEAHEH! I knew you'd say yes!!!" He pops his collar proudly.

"Now that we're [[Friend Request Accepted]], let's get you back in action." He digs in his pockets, pulling out a much smaller version of himself. It has wings, and a little halo. It's inactive, until he pulls out a key and winds up the little angel, and it springs to life. It flutters towards you, hovering at your head and petting you. A warmth spreads through you from your head to the tips of your toes, centering on the place where your soul was settled. 

The angelic mini-Spamton moves to your wounded shoulder. It unhinges its jaw, making a sound like a vacuum cleaner, and sucks up the blood that had soaked into your top. It pats you proudly, then flaps back over to Spamton. He looks to you, beaming.

"Told ya I could do your laundry." 

You look at him, dumb-founded. He just laughs, grinning all the while.

"You healed me."

"Yeah! I told you I would, kid." 

You stand up slowly and stretch your limbs, testing the limits of his healing. Something was definitely broken, before, but you can't feel it anymore. There's still a permeating sore feeling, but you're mostly comfortable in your own skin now, so you can ignore it.

"I... Thank you."

"Hey, what are [[Acquaintances]] for?" The little businessman gives an award-winning smile. You can feel your reservations coming undone. Even more so, when you hear him say-