Now's Your Chance!!! Spamton x Reader

A Man Of The Pipis

From newspapers and surprisingly flammable synthetic scrap, you and Spamton light a fire.

With an additional piece of scrap- metal, this time- Spamton creates a pan. He molds the metal in his hands to fit the shape he needs. He's intimidatingly strong, for his size. Even so, he's just so... him. You can't imagine him as anything other than a feral raccoon of a man.

He takes one of those blue orbs in hand. He cracks it like an egg on the edge of the pan, spilling out... well, an egg. You're not sure what you expected. An explosion, maybe?

He does the same with the other egg(?). They sizzle warmly in the pan.

"Those are the same things you used before, right? Why aren't they blowing up? And, uh... what... are they?" 

Spamton chuckles.

"[PIPIS], of course!!"

You wait for him to continue.

He does not. 

"...So, uh... what is a ...pipis?" 

"They are my [[Dozen Eggs]]!!" He grins, but once again does not elaborate.

He tears the blocks of cheese into smaller pieces, then places those pieces on one half of the egg substance in the pan. With his bare fingers, he scoops under the bare half and flips it over the other, making an omelette.

He doesn't react to the heat of the pan, so you decide not to put energy into worrying. That certainly doesn't mean you've stopped worrying about his eggs, though.

"So... did you... buy them? Or... lay them?..." 

He laughs again, his jaw undulating.

"HAHAEHEAH!!" He nearly drops the pan, with the strength of his laughter. 

He wipes away a tear with his free hand.

"No, no, no! You're such a [[rioting in the streets]]!!! Just [Watches To Tell The Time]!!" He shows you his empty hand. Then he twists it like he's doing a coin trick, and a pipis appears between each segmented finger. With a flick of his wrist, they disappear, vanishing the same as they had appeared.

You look on in awe. It must be another part of his magic as a Darkner, you decide. From what you can tell, though, it's far more powerful- and versatile- than the other forms of magic you've seen. Admittedly, you haven't seen many, but Queen herself is the only one you've seen with similar versatility and variety in attacks. Spamton has a range of attacks just like her, but, unlike her, he also has powerful healing magic. The more you think about it, the more you wonder how she did this to him. He clearly has the power to face her.

"Now, now, kid, don't look too [[IMPRESSIVE BARGAINS]]. I've got [10 TRICKS TO MAKE WOMEN WANT YOU] up my sleeve." 

He splits the omelette into two halves with a finger. He scoops up one half and offers it to you from his hand. "Eat your [[gourmet value]] [PIPIS] du fromage.~"

Despite the grime you know is caked onto his hands, you can't resist a piping hot meal. You take it into your own hands and start to eat. Spamton takes the other half of the omelette and does the same.

It's strange, seeing him chew. You can't quite process it. His mouth isn't opening beyond the moment he bites down, so he's clearly not using his teeth. You've seen him open his mouth repeatedly at this point, so you know it's not like he has another row of teeth in there. But maybe in that void-black maw of his, Darkner magic is at work to help him chew.

You certainly hope so, considering the ease with which he swallows. If he could handle the bite sizes he takes without chewing, you wouldn't feel safe at night. He could just choke you down like a snake.