Now's Your Chance!!! Spamton x Reader

Restless

It doesn't take a mathematician to put two and two together.

Obviously, someone's sleeping on the loveseat, and it's not gonna be Spamton.

"Something [[ERROR]], angel?" He hums, oblivious. 

"...Nah, nothing," you say, but you do a poor job of hiding your disappointment. You were really looking forward to a nice, long rest in a real bed. Oh, well.

"Whatever you say, [[Sugar]]," he winks. "Now shoo, [[OFF! Apply Directly To The Don't!]]! Go do whatever it is you do. I'll be [CELEBRITY jaIL??? HEARING]."

Brushed off, you resume your course for the walk-in closet, praying that there are pajamas inside.

It's not long before you find them. They're hidden in a corner, but even so, the sheer number of pajamas make it relatively obvious anyway. There are shirt-pant combos, nightgowns, tank tops, fleece-lined sets, and even a full-body jumpsuit, complete with a motorcycle helmet shaped and colored so that the lenses look like a sleep mask. It's all quite dramatic. You pick out a comfy-looking top and some nice fuzzy pants, just to keep it simple and relaxing. 

Coming out of the wardrobe, two things become apparent.

There's no bathroom. It doesn't really come as a surprise- You haven't felt the need to use one since entering the Dark World. The food is magic, and that's about all you care enough to know. Still, that means no toothbrush, which is a disappointment.

The second thing, though, is far more important.

Spamton is already curled up on the loveseat, settling in.

"Oh, no you don't. Not a chance." Without giving him a chance to respond, you scoop him up and carry him to the bed, depositing him on the blood-red sheets.

"H-HE3Y!!" He sinks into the fabric, and it takes him a messy second to get back to his feet. Even standing on the bed, he barely meets your height. "I was [[coffee]]-cozy!!! What are you doing, you little- You [[Miniature Figurine]], you!!!"

You can't help but chuckle at him. He looks so flustered, so pleasantly distressed.

"Don't [[Filmed in front Of a Live Stuidio Audience]]!!! I'm a gentleman, you know!! I can't let a [[Bargain Pass You By!]]!! You're [[XXL]], you won't [FITNESS HACKS] on the- on the- on the-" His voice loops robotically. He smacks the side of his head, and it stops, but he doesn't continue. Instead, he just stares at you, offended and indignant.

"Don't think too hard about it, Spam. I'm sure it's been a while since you've had a nice sleep, right? I want you to have that." You smile warmly.

He seems to melt at that. The fire in his eyes cools down, leaving him with nothing but feigned annoyance and real gratitude.

"...Thanks."

"No problem, little guy," you laugh, mussing his hair.

"WHAT!!! I'M NOT-!!!!" He shrieks at you, swatting your hands away.

Laughing, you back off. You turn your attention to the loveseat, and then to the room, hoping to find a blanket or something. At least you get a pair of throw pillows to work with.

No blanket in sight, you shrug off the thought. It's not like it's a big deal.

Your attention catches on a light switch. You figure you should ask before doing anything.

"Hey, Spam, you good with the lights off?"

"Hm? Oh." He takes a moment to think before replying. "...Yeah. [PURCHASE CONFIRMED]."

"You sure?"

He just hums in reply. 

Good enough for you.