All I ask | Chris Evans

18

I knew this conversation could only go one of two ways. One, it would end in a screaming match because we are both stubborn and are incapable of rationalising with each other. Or the second way, sex. And I knew I didn't want it to go either way.

"Hi" Chris smiled softly.

"Come in" I opened the door wider to invite him inside, "Can I get you anything?" I asked out of politeness.

"Water please" he answered, following me into the kitchen and leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed. Taking a glass out the cupboard, I held it under the tap and handed it to him.

"Why are you here Chris?" I quizzed, crossing my arms in a similar way to Chris.

"I wanted to see you" he shrugged unbothered.

"Why?" I pressed the subject.

"Am I not allowed to just want to see you anymore?" he smirked that stupid smug smile.

"No" I answered bluntly, "What do you want Chris?"

"You" he looked me dead in the eye, "I want you". Unable to say anything I exhaled a laugh, shaking my head at him. Turning away from him, I balanced my hands on the counter top behind me.

"You really can't stand to see me happy with someone else, can you?" I shot around, glaring at him.

"I want you to be happy. I really do" he protested.

"Then why can't you ever just leave my the fuck alone, let me be happy" I raised my voice at him.

"You think I want to feel this way?! Because I can assure you it's not exactly fun for me knowing how much you hate me" he yelled back.

"I don't hate you. I could never hate you and you know that. You fucking thrive off that!". I guess this conversation was ending the first way.

"I love you!" he shouted.

"That's all you have to say! You love me?" I could feel my eyes tearing up at how angry I was, "Do me a favour Chris and fuck off, you love me? You don't even know how to love anyone but yourself!"

"I love you. I love you enough to say if you can tell me you never want to see me again, I'm gone" His voice was considerably quieter, moving closer to me he took my hand. I shook my head, tears pouring down my cheeks. I felt weak and pathetic and I hated it. I hated the fact he had this effect on me, even after all this time he was still capable of breaking me down to nothing.

"Why do you do this?" I sobbed.

"Shh, it's okay" he pulled me to his chest, one hand resting on my cheek, brushing his thumb over it gently. At first I tried to fight him off me, pushing and shoving him away but I just felt too tired to fight it. Giving in, I cried into him. My knees almost buckling but he held me up. He had the capability of breaking me down, but he also would always hold me up. This love was too overwhelming, in fact it was crushingly overwhelming. Yes Chris may of loved me but he didn't know how to deal with the power of it, just like I didn't either.

I felt a sudden surge of level headedness for the first time in my life. We walked into the living room. He sat on the sofa while I sat on the arm chair, drawing my legs up to my chest to try feel some level of comfort from myself.

"Olivia, I will love you for the rest of my life. But if you don't want that, if you want me to go I will go. I promise I want you to be happy, I want you to love. If you don't want that with me then I understand, but just know that I wasn't ready to accept that I needed you but I am now. I will wait a whole lifetime for you" His once clear blue eyes began to fog over with tears and I lost it all over again. He tried to reach me to comfort me, but I resisted. Trying to comfort myself in a way that proved I didn't need Chris to always save the day.

"I- I need time" I stuttered. Chris nodded understandingly and got up. I followed him to the front door, he leant down and pressed a kiss to my cheek. I knew then that now wasn't our time. It wasn't our time just yet. I needed to love someone else and he needed to let me.

~okay, erm please don't hate me xx~