State of Seduction. // Dean Winchester COMPLETE

42.

I felt itchy. My entire body felt as if I had ants crawling all over me and they had all been set on fire. The burning itch only spread through my body, no matter how much I scratched and it had gotten to the point where I knew that it wasn't a physical mishap, but a mental one that was causing me to lose my mind. It had been a day since Jacob Kane had taken Bianca and Dean and I hadn't been able to sit down, let alone sleep. I felt wide awake and like a zombie at the same time, and I wondered which side of me would come out when I was faced with the murderous vampire again. Last time, I had cowered and had covered myself in ice because I was so terrified, but after he had left I had turned back into that killing machine that never wanted to stop again. I was just trying not to think about what state I would fall into when I saw him again, I was just trying to come up with a plan to save Dean.

Mason, Trent, Castiel, Sam and Kevin were sitting around the living room, joined by a distraught Olivia who had been told of her sister's kidnapping as well as Braxton, who was trying to comfort his wife on the couch. The TV had been turned on, but somebody had muted it. It was playing one of those horrible slasher movies where at the end of it, everybody was either dead or about to be. It seemed like the worst kind of movie to be watching given the current situation, but also the most perfect. I felt horribly sick, and I had had to excuse myself from planning this morning for a full hour to go throw up some more. I couldn't seem to keep anything in my stomach, yet I had a strange craving for gram crackers and marmalade -- something that I don't even like. I think it was the stress that was getting to me, making me sick and wanting to eat foods I would never have touched otherwise. 

The itching on my body still hadn't subsided and I felt as if the burning was getting worse, almost causing me to gasp out in pain if I scratched in certain places for too long or too hard. I felt so lethargic, like I hadn't slept in days (which was partially true) and I just wanted to go to bed, but I knew that if I did I wouldn't be able to sleep, I'd just end of wide awake again. I was pacing around the living area as Sam poured over his laptop on the table, Mason stood holding onto the kitchen bench, Trent sat with his head in his hands in a kitchen stool and Kevin was sitting on the floor at Olivia and Brax's feet, his eyes intensely following the slasher movie that was making my stomach churn. Castiel had disappeared again, something that hadn't been uncommon in the last day, and I wondered if he was looking for where Jacob Kane was keeping Dean and Bianca. I hoped so, I didn't think that I would be able to handle it if the angel was just bailing on us.

There was a sudden movement as Sam pushed his laptop closed and slammed his open fist against the wooden table, pushing his chair back so it squealed against the floor and whirled on us, his face a mask of pure rage. "How the hell did this guy even overpower Dean? He's a freaking hunter, a Winchester! He's not easy to take by surprise!" Sam shouted the question that I had been wondering, but was too afraid to voice. I was scared the answer would be something like Jacob had threatened me and so Dean had gone with him willingly and thought he would kill him later, but the plan had horribly backfired, or something. "What if they're already dead?" Sam continued, making me flinch as the burning of the itching intensified and I let out a small moan of pain, facing away from everybody as I'm sure Mason glanced at me, worried.

"You can't think like that," Mason spoke up, his voice annoyingly calm as he took control of the situation. I turned back to face my brother and the others just in time to see Mason place a comforting hand on Sam's shoulder and give him a gentle push back into the chair he had vacated. Sam looked defeated, like he had just gone ten rounds with a God or something that could beat the Winchester's. "Kane said we had three days, and something tells me he'll probably stick to that time frame. He wants Kale too much to kill them before there's any possibility of him getting her. They're still alive, Sam, Liv. They're not dead, and they won't ever be that way because we will save them and kill the dick before he can do anything to hurt them." Mason's words did help Sam and Olivia some, but between the sickness in my gut that refused to go away and the burning itch that was causing me pain, I was struggling to be comforted, or even keep myself from screaming out or breaking down.

​"This is fucked up," I spoke for the first time since I'd called Sam the night before, and everyone looked at me. While they had all tried to make decent rescue plans and had traded ideas on how to save our loved ones, I had stayed silent and had just paced the room. Mason was staring at me like he wanted to lock me in a room and never let me out, just for my safety. I felt sick to have made my own brother feel that protective over me, to make him feel like I couldn't look after myself. "Do you really think we can save them with no backlash? Jacob will come back from the fucking dead to kill us if we mess this up for him. The only way to get them out of his harm is for me to give myself up to him. I am willing to do that to save Dean, and Bianca." I spoke and before I had even finished, Mason was already shaking his head.

​"No, no way. We can do this, we'll kill him and we'll burn his bones and his place and whatever else we can find that relates back to him. No one is going to die. And nobody is going to walk into his lair and commit suicide." Mason pressed, staring hardly at me and expecting me to agree with him immediately. But I just repeated what he had said several times in my head, stuck on the commit suicide​ part. He was right though, it would be committing suicide. But it was the same if we stayed here much longer and didn't do anything, I would just as likely commit real suicide in this apartment if nobody came up with a decent plan on how to save Dean and Bianca soon. I wondered how I would do it, drown myself, hang myself, take a shitload of pills. I thought about it as Mason continued to stare me down, having no idea what I was thinking about. I was in a state where I felt hopeless, useless, in such a mood that I really would commit suicide if I was pushed just a little farther.

It was then that my thoughts of killing myself ceased, as Castiel appeared out of nowhere in the middle of the room, a look of hope and what seemed to read excitement on his face. He stared at Sam, before he looked at me, and for the first time since Dean had been kidnapped, I felt some sort of hopeful emotion, like all of us might survive this. Castiel then nodded at Mason, who breathed a sigh of relief as the angel began to talk, "I've found where the vampire is keeping them, and I believe that we can rescue Dean and Bianca. Tonight." Everything seemed to change then. Things started to get lighter, and yet I still wondered what it would be like to die.



okay so i'm more than definitely ending this in the next few chapters, just because i accidentally stumbled into a plot that would be perfect to end this story on. so look forward to the beginning of the end and i'll update very soon :) xxx