State of Seduction. // Dean Winchester COMPLETE

25.

Black is the colour of the hidden, the secretive and the unknown, creating an air of mystery. It keeps things bottled up inside, hidden from the world. If people were colours, I would be black. As a child, I had been hiding things, keeping secrets and bottled up my emotions. I wasn't much different as an adult. The only two people I cared about in the world, Mason and Trent, the two people I lived with, thought I was somebody who I wasn't. They thought I was an honest person, they thought that whenever I had a problem I would go to them. I don't really know when I stopped being the Kale they thought I was and became the Kale I was now, but I knew that I had broken their hearts. I had broken mine as well.

My inability to love or let out my emotions had broken me. If I was the only one affected by the air of me, I might have felt better. But other people had been brought into the whirlwind that was me and then torn out with no warning, gaining whiplash. I wanted to be fearless, I wanted to be the person the six year old me thought I would grow up to be. When I was a kid, I had always wanted it all. I hadn't wanted what I grew up with -- with the hunting and the constant moving. I had always wanted to settle down in a house with a white picket fence, an adoring husband, two beautiful kids and a bunch of dogs and rabbits. But that isn't something adult me ever saw happening. 

Adult me was hopeless, useless and saw herself going nowhere. At least before I had a steady job, however terrible the job was, I was still good at it. Before I had a trusting relationship with Mason and Trent, and now, even though they won't say it, they don't like me going out of the apartment because they're scared I'm lying to them again. Which I guessed was fair enough, seeing as I had lied to them about where I worked for three years. Before I had somebody looking out for me, they made me feel safe and whenever he touched me I felt myself erupt with electricity. And now I was feeling the aftershocks of those electric shocks, and I didn't like it.

I wasn't going to sit by myself all the time and blame the world for my circumstances, because I knew that everything that had happened was all my fault. I was hopeless, useless and saw myself going nowhere because that was how I had set myself up through life, I had turned away from commitment and love and this was where I had ended up. It was my fault Mason and Trent didn't trust me because I lied to them, it was my fault I didn't have someone who made me feel safe and yet so invigorated at the same time because he had told me to ask him to stay and I couldn't do it. I knew it was all my fault, but I still couldn't help cursing out at the sky on a rainy day. Everything that had happened was because of me, and it had been over a month ago, but I was still hurting. I was hurting so much that I still couldn't even think his name without wishing things had ended differently, even though I knew that it was good that things had ended like they had.

Because yes, if people were colours, I would be black. Black was indeed the colour of the hidden, the secretive and the unknown. Black keeps things bottled up inside and hidden from the world; I was the human equivalent of a colour. Standing in front of the mirror that hung on the back of my bedroom door, my sense of dress represented the colour I was most like as well. Wearing a black tenso blouse, black jeans and black socks while my hair hung curly down over my shoulders, I felt secretive and unknown, just like the meaning of the colour suggested. I wondered that if I slung on my black coat and walked down the street with my head down, would people come and try to get to know me like they used too? I doubted it. I assumed they would walk straight past and not give me a second glance.

Testing the waters and leaving my room, I headed out into the kitchen. Though it had been a month since everything had happened, barely anything had actually happened. Mason got out of the hospital and started taking regular Chlobixycn for his cuts and bruises and broken bones and he was okay now, he was just taking a break from hunting for the time being. As soon as Mason had gotten back, I assumed there to be a massive blow out between Mason, Trent and I over The Pentagon, but nothing like that arose. They talked to me civilly about it and I explained what I could and that was the end of it, that was how I knew they were really disappointed in me. They couldn't even get angry. And they still couldn't, these days they just pretended like everything was fine even though everything had changed.

Finding myself in the living room, I looked around to see if my brother or Trent were around and I saw them at the kitchen table, accompanied by someone I honestly thought I would never see again. Mason and Trent looked thoughtful, and Mason even looked a little mad, but he seemed to have kept his cool and nodded briskly several times. I stayed where I was for a little while, listening into their conversation and understood that they were talking about me. And a job.

"Talking about me?" I walked up to the table, three pairs of eyes on me as I looked over the third figure I hadn't seen in over a month. Part of me wanted to reach out and give them a hug, and the other part of me wanted to slap them in the face. Where the hell had they been and what were they doing coming back now? Mason was looking at me with a thoughtful expression, biting down on his bottom lip as if he was nervous about something whereas Trent scratched the back of his head before he got up and got a water bottle from the fridge, and I took the opportunity to take his seat and look at the person sitting across from me. They looked well, like the past month had treated them well. But they also looked like they had come into a lot of money, more than they ever had before.

"Bianca told me you were having trouble finding a job, and so I thought I'd come by with a proposition," Ava's face contorted from a pleasant blank look to what could only be described as a smirk, even though there was no hint of malice or anything behind it. She seemed genuine about whatever proposition she had to offer me.

"Where the hell have you been for the past month, Ava?"

"I was busy... Remaking The Pentagon. Dallas didn't have a will and he left all his money in cash under the brothel, so I took it and reopened The Pentagon, but I've changed everything. It's a different place now, Kale, everything is controlled. If vampires want to feed while they have sex, its extra and they can only take so much and if they take any more than that, they are killed. Those are the rules, you play by them or you die, none of this do whatever you want because you're a monster type of thing that Dallas used to run. Its all different, and I want you to come and work for me," She smiled at me, as if that would make up for leaving for a month. And though I took in her words and seriously thought about it, I turned and gave a nervous look to Mason, who immediately jumped in.

"Not as an escort, of course," He said urgently, "As a bartender, five days a week," He added and I nodded slowly.

"And you're okay with this?" I assumed he was telling me about the bartending gig because he was okay with it, otherwise I figured he would have kicked Ava out long ago. Earning a stiff nod from Mason, I discovered that yes, he was okay with me starting as a bartender five days a week at the place I used to work at as a prostitute. I looked over at Ava, "And it's still just for monsters?" I wasn't sure about going back to work there and be around monsters all the time, it had turned into another thing I could barely handle.

"No," She shook her head, "The monster thing is just a under the table kind of deal now, we're open to humans now too," I was a bit dubious about how that was going to work and Ava seemed to sense my reluctance and continued to speak, "Its been working fine for two weeks, don't worry about that, there's been no altercation and everybody is being professional about the changes," She said and I looked back at Mason who just shrugged. He didn't want to tell me to go for it, but he didn't want to tell me not too, either.

"Okay," I finally said after a long pause, "I guess I can bar tend five days a week," And that was the end of the conversation, I had a job as casual as that. And just like that, my dark black colouring began to fade. Maybe I wasn't as hopeless and useless with no direction as I thought I was. At least I had a job again, the rest would come later.



Dean will be back in the next (few) chapters, so don't worry, though I can't tell you what circumstances that he'll come back under. Just so you guys are clear, this chapter takes place a MONTH after Dean leaves. I hope you liked this chapter, please comment what you thought??? ... XO