Straight

XIV

It's a really stupid film, but Eddy isn't about to complain. He's too busy thinking, anyway, about earlier this evening, and the choice he made at the crossroads. What would the other choice have been like? By now he can just imagine himself in his own room, lying on his bed, watching TV alone. Would that have been smarter? Maybe. But he knows he would have been confused as hell. And he knows he would have been lonely too, even if that would have been ridiculous with his mum in the same house. 
How much better is it to sit here with his best friend, watching a stupid movie? Especially now that the tension has subsided. 

"It was great hotpot, from that place, don't you think? We should go there more often." Brett says quietly, like he can hear him thinking.
"Yeah, I loved it."

See? They can do this. They can keep what they had. Right? 
It's already past one A.M. when they finally get up and get changed for bed. Eddy turns to the wall automatically, his eyes fixed forward. Would he want to turn around? Would he want to watch Brett, as he takes his shirt off, see his torso, his slender arms, the soft swell of his belly? He pushes the thought away quickly and pulls on his bed boxers, goes to brush his teeth. 

"So, have you heard from Vanessa today?" Brett asks as they lie in the dark, both staring up at the ceiling. 
"Nah. To be honest, I think she just wants a bit of fun at the bar."
Should he tell Brett, that he hasn't even thought of Vanessa today? Probably not. It's probably a bad idea to, right? Brett is quiet for a long moment, and he almost thinks he's fallen asleep when he talks again. 
"Sorry."
"Nah, don't be. It's fine. She's not all that, anyway."
"Maybe, but still."

They lie next to each other in silence, each on their own halves of the bed, and soon Eddy knows that Brett isn't sleeping either. Of course, he already knows by now that he won't be able to sleep at all, because all of the thoughts are coming again, racing back in, starting a pathetic dance around his head. He sighs and turns on his right side. 
Brett knows Eddy's a bad sleeper, of course, but usually it doesn't bother him at all, he just dozes off straight away and lies there, sometimes snoring ever so lightly. Eddy has never minded. It's just part of Brett. But he's not snoring now, he's not breathing deeply. He knows that Brett is just as awake as he is. He sighs again and turns on his other side. Thinks back of last night, of Brett so close.
Yeah. Let's not think about that right now. 
It must have been at least an hour and a half of just lying there, as still as possible, trying his hardest to get to sleep but not being able to, when Brett softly clears his throat.
"Can't sleep?"
"Nah. You?"
"Nah."
After a moment he hears Brett moving and he knows, just knows what he's doing. 
Okay, so look. He slept well last night, didn't he? So he pushes away any thoughts and doesn't say a word as Brett comes closer, comes and lies on his half, his back to Eddy's front. 
He's too fucking tired to think now anyway, to wonder whether this is a monumentally bad idea. He just needs sleep, and Brett's presence is soothing. He puts his arm around Brett's torso, almost wondering whether he will shrug it off, but he doesn't. He can feel Brett's hands under his own now, lying together in front of his chest, he can feel his soft breathing underneath his arm. 
It's like a rhythm, like a nursery rhyme, softly making him more relaxed, gently removing the confused thoughts until the room becomes quiet, and somehow even darker. 
Brett's breath deepens and becomes a little louder, and Eddy knows he's fallen asleep. 
He smiles into his pillow and doesn't remove his arm. 
Maybe it's Brett's gentle breathing? But somehow, finally, he drifts too.