Straight

VIII

It's a good job they're going out to this bar, it really is. Brett has been making himself crazy, these last few days. Eddy has gone home for two nights now, saying that his mum was complaining about him never being home. 
Which Brett is sure is true. But is that really the only reason? Or has he wanted to get away from him? So he's lain in bed at night, not sleeping, worrying, wondering whether he's done it all wrong, whether he's fucked it all up. 
Look. He can't make himself so dependent on Eddy being there, he really can't. He's just going to feel it later, it's going to hurt later, so he really needs to get his shit together. He pushes the worries away, smiles at a con friend and makes small talk. 

"Anyone here yet?"
Eddy has appeared at his side with a couple of beers, and the corners of his mouth pull up without him having any control over it. 
"Yeah, a few guys from the con over there." he says neutrally. "Did you text Vanessa?"
Eddy shrugs.
"Yeah. She said she might be there."
Brett nodds, pulls his shell firmer around himself. Drinks half of his glass of beer in one draught. he needs the alcohol, he needs it to numb him so he can deal with what's going to happen tonight. 
"Come on, wanna join the guys?" he says, and takes Eddy with him to chat with their friends. Look, he really needs to get it together. He's always been able to do this before, hasn't he? He's always loved him, and he's always just been his friend. Why should now be any different? 
He banters with the guys and tries to enjoy himself. Drinks more beer, to relax. 
And when Eddy taps on his shoulder and points to Vanessa, who has appeared next to him, looking all curvy and flirty, he's able to smile and go back to chatting. Takes Eddy's glass of beer for him as he goes off to dance with her. 

It's okay, right? This is good, right? This is what Eddy needs to do with his life, he needs to find a girl he likes, have a life. But yet he can't help his eyes, that keep being pulled over to where Eddy dances. That see how the girl puts her hands on Eddy's lower back when a slow song comes on, so low that they're basically on his bum. 
That, cute, cute bum. He swallows and pulls himself back to the conversation he's having with Jack. Drinks more beer. But when he looks again, Vanessa is bending over to Eddy and kisses him. He kisses her back, with tongue, and suddenly Brett wants nothing more than to run away, run away and hide from the world. 
Oh fuck, why did he even come to the bar in the first place? Why the fuck did he ever think this would be a good idea? He's torturing himself here, but yet he can't bring himself to look away. 

The world halts when Eddy stops kissing Vanessa, and suddenly looks right at him. Their eyes lock, the room around them goes silent and Brett is like a rabbit in the headlights, unable to move, unable to do anything but stare at the boy he loves. His mind blanks and tears are pressing up behind his eyes, but he has to stop this, this is not fair to Eddy.
He has to stop this.
With superhuman effort he breaks free, manages to smile at Eddy and raises his thumb. 
He was going to let him go, right? He was going to let him go, let him be happy.  
Simple. 
He turns back to Jack and their violist friend Cho with a shock, and he never looks at Eddy again.

He has no idea what time it is when he feels a small tap on the shoulder. He knows it's Eddy, of course, and he turns and grins at him. 
"You wanna head out?" Eddy asks. 
Something inside of him relaxes at the thought of leaving, and he nods straight away, even if usually he would rather stay. 
"Of course, let's go."