Straight

XX

He wakes up with tears in his eyes, which is the stupidest thing in the world, he knows. He knows why there are tears, too. He may have been awake for most of the night, but the second he did fall asleep the dreams came. Wild. Contorted. Soul gripping.
Fragments, images of Brett, telling him he loved him too. Brett, embracing him. But then everything, turning on its head. Eddy, telling Brett the thruth. That he loves him. Brett, with cold eyes, turning away from him in disgust. 
Eddy turns on his right side quickly and wipes the tears away when Brett can't see. 
"Good morning." Brett says. There's sunshine in his tone. Happy. Upbeat. 
"Hi." he manages, before getting up and making his way to the bathroom. 

The same sink, the same mirror, and the same haggard face staring back at him from said mirror. He looks even paler than last night, and he knows it's because he hasn't slept. He shakes his head miserably. 
What an absolute wanker he is. 
He turns around, pees and goes back to the sink to wash his hands. Splashes water in his face time and time again to try and get some colour back into his skin. Looks up at himself again and nods. 
He knows what he has to say to Brett, even if he can already feel the pain flowing into him. Oh, this is going to hurt, but he's got to put a stop to this. It was all fine as long as they were doing each other a favour, just as friends. But now that he feels this way? It would be all sorts of wrong to carry on the way they have, right? 
He nods again. 
Yeah. He knows what he has to say. 

It's hard to find his voice, as he walks into Brett's room, the room that's so familiar to him. He knows every inch of this place, and now suddenly he has no idea how he'll be here from now on. He can feel his heart cracking in his chest, the emptiness already clawing at him. 
How will he even survive? 
He gets dressed as Brett gets out of bed and breathes deeply. 
"By the way, I should probably go home tonight. I think my mum's expecting me to show my face at some point."
There, that sounded neutral enough, right? He can't see Brett's face, his back is turned, but he seems to freeze for a millisecond before turning and smiling. 
Brett is getting dressed too, his torso is bare, and Eddy can't help but glance over it. Soft, soft flesh of his belly, that quivered under his fingers, just yesterday. The gentle swell of his pecs, with small, perfect nipples. A tiny splattering of black hair on bronze skin. 
Oh God, he is gorgeous. Eddy swallows and looks down. 
"Okay, sure." Brett says. 

It has bought him a little bit of time. Not much, he knows that. But he hopes it will be enough to get over this, to put Jill and Vanessa back in the space that right now only has one name on it: Brett. 
He is quiet as they walk to the con, because it feels like everything he could say will give him away, will make Brett turn away from him, disgusted like he was in the dream that made him cry. 
"Are you okay there, Eddy?"
Eddy almost laughs out loud. Look, what's he going to say? Yes? No? I don't know if I'll ever be okay again? I'm starting to imagine a world without you, and I'd rather not be in it? 
"Yeah, just really tired. We may have to rethink our rubber hammer plan, you know."
Brett grins. 
"Sure, bro. I've got your back."