EYE OF THE STORM | k.kazuha

11: A REASON TO STAY

If you could describe the last two weeks in one word, it would be.... fun. Sure, all you did was work and help around, but you got to know the crew and sail with them. Everyone had little quirks, and they were all unique. Most of the information you got was through observation and Little Yue. The little kid loved talking to you, treating you like an older sibling. You didn't mind, of course. This wasn't your first time, and you were glad to be friends with Little Yue.

Little Yue told you about most of the crew members.

Apparently Juza looks scary, but he's a great guy— But his ears aren't all too good either. Liushi loves to sing from the crow's nest. Furong, sometimes, when she's alone, she says Beidou's name over and over, and her face is all red... And then there's Yinxing, who really loves animals. You can't take pets on board, so she raises a few fish in her cups.

Their backstories were also quite interesting, Liushi also comes from a complicated background. It was comforting to see such a family, despite where they all came from. Beidou was kind— really kind in fact. You finally realized why she let you in so easily, and that brought a smile to your face.

Would they despise you if you told them your story? Or maybe give you a warm welcome, and tell you it didn't matter. Oh, how you wished to know the answer.

Your wishful thinking was cut short by a call of your name. Another box needed to be carried, you assumed.

You exchange smiles and small talk with the crew members. It wasn't too hard to get acquainted with them. Beidou was right, they were nice people. But, the more you talked with the others, the less you were with Kazuha.

Ever since your short trip to Sumeru, you noticed how he hasn't been talking to you as much. Whenever you tried creating conversation, he'd cut it short. It's always been you striking up a conversation, not him. It made you feel a little disheartened. Kazuha was your first friend in Liyue, after all. Almost as if he'd been hiding something. Why else would he be actively avoiding you?

It bothered you a lot more than you thought. It wasn't that you wanted to pry into his personal business, but he did say he wanted to build this friendship with you. If you wanted to trust him, you needed communication. And quite frankly, he hasn't exactly been doing that. You sighed, gripping onto the box you were holding.

Liyue harbor is an inclusive nation. The only thing you must do is develop a sense of belonging. To become fond of a place, to feel part of it always requires a reason. May it be someone you met or something you experienced, everyone needs a reason to stay. Everyone has a reason to stay.

Just like how you stayed in the Nobushi because of fear, or how you stayed in Inazuma to watch over Yui from afar. You had a reason to stay in Inazuma, but now you were here in Liyue. You had a reason to escape, but why stay here? Why not another nation like Mondstadt, where freedom is its primary focus. Freedom that you so wished to have since you were a child. Why Liyue?

Well, the answer wasn't so clear to you until a few moments ago.

It wasn't because it was easier, although at first, it was your reason.

You realized that the more time you spent in the Crux, the more it was getting harder to see yourself leaving this nation. The friends you made in Liyue, especially the first one, became important to you.

As much as you wished you could be cold and heartless sometimes, you cared. You wanted to push everyone away in an attempt to not get hurt once they leave, or once you leave. You told yourself not to make friends anymore, to not hurt others. The life of a runaway doesn't exactly give you the space to create bonds, but all you wanted was the same feeling of love. The love you see between friends who accepted each other no matter what.

Kazuha befriending you first, despite what you've done to him, was what you wished for.

But now, the absence of his presence gave you that same feeling you had when you were still running from the Nobushi.

Loneliness, and longing.

Truth is, you were scared.

You were scared to experience that feeling of loneliness again.

Yes, Yui was there, but her safety was put first. She was your only person, and to keep her safe, you stayed away. You only visited once every so often, in hopes that she wouldn't become a target. Meanwhile, Yoimiya and yours' relationship was merely business. You helped her, she helped you.

You still remember the feeling of envy whenever you'd see groups of friends inside the city. How they would laugh without a care in the world.

Lucky were they who could create connections without fear, without judgment. Lucky were those who could accept love without a voice in their head, telling them they didn't deserve it.

You remember the feeling of envy towards happy families, wishing that your parents never abandoned you. Usually, you wouldn't care about them, you barely even thought about them. You always thought they had a reason to leave you behind. But on occasions where you observed the smiles on children's faces as their parents came up to hug them, you wondered, why not you?

You even asked Yui to look into your parents once. It was an act of desperation, hoping to ease the feeling of longing. You knew it was wrong to want them back. 

It was an isolating feeling that only grew when you left the Nobushi. Maybe you shouldn't have left, they gave you purpose anyways. Your parents abandoned you, but the Nobushi never did. Everybody will leave, but they won't. Was this the truth? Maybe not.

You were getting too comfortable in Liyue. You were making too many friends, too many bonds. You were scared you'd lose them all one day. You felt you were already losing your friendship with Kazuha, who's to say you won't lose your connections with the others too?

"Y/N! THE BOX!" Your thoughts were cut short as your name was yelled. How long have you been standing, drowning in your thoughts? You didn't know, but you quickly rushed to deliver the cargo.

"You looked pretty occupied back there. A mora for your thoughts?" Kazuha asked, grabbing the box from your hand. He had a gentle smile on his face as he placed it down and faced you.

"..."

"Y/N?"

"...You talked to me first...?"

"Yes? Is... that a problem?"

You playfully smacked the man's shoulder, a breath of relief coming out of you. It felt good to see him smile like that again. It felt like you haven't seen it in a very long time. You wished to have a long conversation with Kazuha, despite not being much of a talker. As friends do, you wanted to spend time with him.

"No, it's just... I wanted to talk to you."