Jester (Man x Man) ✔

17) t r u t h s

The day had been exceptionally chilly and gloomy, and somehow everyone just happened to have nothing planned for their Friday evening. What would be a better way to end a day than to invite your friends over and have a nice conversation while drinking a glass or two of red wine? Well, technically they were mostly having Gin and Tonic and probably laughing more than talking, yet that was somehow even better. 

Benjamin watched how Eli gulped down the rest of his drink and slammed his glass on the coffee table while having a conversation with Shirley and Brandon. He always worried when Eli got wasted, because he was on meds for his depression, but Eli didn't seem too bothered about the matter. If there was one good thing with him having money troubles it was that he couldn't go to FAB every day, so he wasn't drinking as often.

They still hadn't solved the money issue or found Eli a new job, but Benjamin was doing his best to fix it. He wouldn't have minded Eli moving in, so that he didn't have to worry about paying the rent, but he knew it was way too soon to even suggest it. Another thing was that Eli didn't want to take Benjamin's money, no matter what, so the problem had turned out to be even trickier than Benjamin had thought it would be.

"I want to know more about him." Brandon became excited. He was looking at Manfir through the glass of his tank. The look on the brown haired guy's face was admiring, and it wasn't difficult to tell he loved animals. Brandon sat on the floor in front of the tank and Benjamin took a seat next to him.

"He's a red eared slider. I got Manfir when I was 4 years old, but the old guy still won't show any signs of aging." Benjamin smiled, looking at Manfir who was floating in the water unbothered by his audience. Then Benjamin chuckled: "As soon as I got him, the 4-year-old version of me had decided a name. I still don't know where it came from or what it's supposed to mean."

George took out his sketchbook and started drawing, and Benjamin sat there looking at him while he drew. Even though Benjamin was a graphic designer, he had never been that good at drawing, so he envied the ones who were. Brandon didn't talk much and he was probably the shyest of Eli's friends, but Benjamin found it easy to be around him.

"Can I see you work?" Benjamin requested then, curious to see more than just the elaborate drawing Brandon was currently making of Manfir.

"Are you planning to steal my drawings like Eli did?" Brandon asked, lifting his gaze from the sketchbook. All the same, he handed it to Benjamin.

"Oh, what did he steal from you?" Benjamin was already leafing through the pages. The drawings were beautiful and he stopped to look at a portrait of Steven that somehow seemed to have captured not just his appearance but also a part of his playful personality.

"A picture of you actually." Brandon admitted and grimaced in a manner that indicated embarrassment.

"Of me? Are there any drawings of Eli?" Benjamin started turning the pages faster, until he found a portrait of Eli. That too seemed to hold an emotion, which was something wistful, but not necessarily sad.

"I'm going to get something to drink. If there's something you like, feel free to take it." Brandon's cheeks were red all over, when he got up from the floor and disappeared in the kitchen. 

Benjamin wanted to take all the drawings Brandon had made of Eli, but he only took the one he adored the most. Yet again he was amazed by how beautiful a person could be, not just from the outside but inside too. The drawing had captured both of those essences of Eli, and that's why it was Benjamin's favorite.

Benjamin lifted his gaze, looking at the others in the room. Judith was talking with Jeremy Preston, Shirley was playing with Dam-Bi's hair, Eli was sitting on the floor again and Steven was massaging his shoulders while they both grinned at something and Ash was smiling at Miles who was telling a story.

Benjamin walked back to them, leaving Brandon's sketchbook on the seat and sat down on the floor next to Eli. That's when he realized why Steven and Eli were grinning like that. They were both staring at Ash like they were seeing something unprecedented. 

"Your friend is a miracle maker." Eli leaned closer to whisper it in Benjamin's ear. "We have been trying to make Ash smile for years, to no avail."

"We should probably start planning a wedding." Steven joined the conversation. 

••••

Benjamin trailed his hand along the arc of Eli's shoulder, following the line of his collarbone and eventually stopped on his bare chest. He pressed his palm against Eli's left chest, letting the steadiness of his heartbeat soothe his mind. Eli was caressing Benjamin's hair, his hazel eyes shut lightly. Benjamin looked up at him and he was blown away seeing the content smile on Eli's lips; happiness looked good on him. 

"Do you believe in God?" Benjamin asked, and as his palm was still resting on Eli's chest, he could feel his heartbeat accelerating. Benjamin reached with his fingertips to touch the golden cross necklace Eli was wearing. It was a small simple cross, with no gems or engravings. 

"I used to." Eli answered slowly.

"But you don't anymore?" Benjamin made the question cautiously, sensing he was closing a topic Eli didn't feel comfortable talking about.

Benjamin had never been able to feel a presence of higher power and he didn't believe in any god, but he did his best to respect other people's religions. He also knew religion wasn't the kind of topic everyone could easily talk about, but he had been dying to ask the question whenever he saw the cross on Eli's neck. 

"I'm not sure. I just think that if there is a God, he might not be a good one." Eli pondered, a rueful look in his eyes.

"Why not?" Benjamin asked softly, drawing small circles on Eli's chest with his fingertips. Eli didn't say anything for so long, that Benjamin was starting to think he wasn't going to answer. He did that sometimes — shut himself from his surroundings when the conversation got too much to bear — so when he started talking again, it surprised Benjamin. 

"Lilies were my mom's favorite." Eli murmured trailing his fingertips along the black lines of a flower tattoo on his shoulder. "My dad preached about love and faith, but he was always short of those with me." Eli's fingers moved to the bird below the lilies. "My siblings.." Eli trailed his fingers down his arm, briefly halting on each of the seven symbols, which said little to Benjamin but seemed to make sense to Eli.

"I don't think a good God would tear apart families, and I'm not sure if I want to believe in a God that took away mine." Eli concluded, closing his eyes.

"Wait.. You have seven siblings? How could they all die?" Benjamin breathed, knitting his eyebrows in bafflement.

"Haven't you figured it out yet?" Eli opened his eyes and gave him a sad smile: "They didn't die, I did."