Jester (Man x Man) ✔

38) s o n s

Eli could barely believe it, even if he could see it with his own eyes: Prisca was sitting in their hotel room. The pain of being rejected by his parents was still raw in his chest, like an old wound ripped open all over again, but it was easier to bear when Prisca was there.

"Thank you." Prisca accepted a steaming cup of tea that Benjamin had made her. She was sitting in an easy chair that was placed on the corner near the king-sized bed. Benjamin gave Eli a cup of coffee, with milk and sugar, before making one for himself. Then he sat on the bed.

"I was so angry at you when I found out you had left without saying a goodbye." Prisca's voice rose and she gave Eli a disapproving look. "But I guess they didn't give you much choice.."

She started telling how she had come home only to find out that his little brother was gone and that she wasn't even allowed to say his name anymore. It didn't matter how many times she asked, all she got as an answer were lips pressed in tight lines and gazes turned away.

All the same, she knew the reason why Eli had been sent away. Somehow she had always known, even before she noticed the way Eli behaved whenever Matthew was around. 

"He has three beautiful children now, but he still misses you." Prisca smiled sadly. "Matthew was the only one who still wanted to talk about you — and believe me that's what we've done. He tried to help me find you, but you just disappeared without a trace. There was no mention of you anywhere, no matter how much we looked."

Hearing that all this time someone had been looking for him and actually cared whether he was alive or not, Eli felt overwhelmed by affection and relief. All these years he had thought they would never mention his name again, and that they wouldn't even find out if something happened to him.

"I changed my name. Dad wanted it."

"To what?" Prisca asked, leaning closer. 

"Eli Sola." Eli sighed, embarrassed for some enigmatic reason. 

"Eli Sola?" An amused grin spread on Prisca's lips. "That sounds so made up."

"Try making a better one yourself then." Eli challenged, making a face.

"I might have to, actually." Prisca noted with a small shrug. "Marcus won't come with us, but I'm taking Felix and Myra away from here."

"Felix?" Eli lifted his eyebrows, puzzled. He knew who Myra was, but he had never heard the other name. Myra had been just a toddler when Eli had seen her last time, but Eli remembered her goofy grin and big brown eyes.

"My eldest. I won't use his deadname, like everyone else does around here." Prisca pursed her lips, looking annoyed. "They make him wear dresses and he has to keep his hair long. They call him a girl and I can see how it's tearing him apart. He's only eleven and there shouldn't be so much sadness in the eyes of a child."

Prisca told them how Felix had come to her one evening, half a year ago, and asked her if he would be a boy in his next life. Prisca had sat him down and asked him: "Do you want to be a boy in this one?" When he nodded, eyes brimming with tears, she had told him that was what he was going to be. 

It was easier said than done, of course. Marcus, Felix's dad and Prisca's husband, had refused to call him by his new name or use his pronouns. The mere thought had made him angry, and it had made Prisca realize she couldn't raise two happy children in this place. She too had to make a difficult decision. So she had started saving money and making plans to leave the community. 

"I wanted to leave as soon as I found out, because I didn't want Felix to think there's something wrong with him." Prisca grew quiet for a while. "But I've been waiting for you to come back. I couldn't bear the thought of you coming here when I wasn't around. I didn't want you to think that no one missed you."

"They don't miss me at all, do they?" Eli whispered then. He blinked tears to his cheeks and looked down at his coffee mug, already knowing the answer. 

"I'm sorry." When Prisca said those words, Benjamin placed his hand on Eli's thigh, trying to give him comfort. Prisca set down her tea, got up and crouched down in front of Eli. The look in her eyes was unhesitant, when she continued: "But you know what? Fuck them."

Eli's eyes widened and his lips parted in surprise, when he heard Prisca swearing. He had never heard any of his family members doing so and it was something they weren't supposed to do in any circumstances. 

"Really. Fuck them all." Prisca smiled mischievously, even though her eyes were burning. "Fuck them for making you leave. Fuck them for telling there's something wrong with being gay. Fuck them for telling my son he's a girl."

Prisca bursted into tears when Eli told her how he had lived in the streets and how sick he had gotten. When he told her about Logan taking him in and saving his life, the words tasted bitter in his mouth. He told her about his job at the convenience store, about his friend group and how he had ended up with Benjamin.

He didn't tell her about ropes, pills, hospitals or rooftops. He didn't tell her how Logan had betrayed his trust. But Eli could see from her expression that she already knew it, that she could read him like an open book. Just like she always did when they were kids.

"I've told Felix so much about you, that now you're like a hero to him. He can't wait to meet uncle Elijah — or well, uncle Eli as it turns out." Prisca had sat back down in her easy chair, but she got up again and wrapped her arms around Eli.

"Uncle Eli sounds so.." Eli mumbled, hugging her back. It felt so absurd to think that he still had someone to call him an uncle, when he had had to all but bury each and every of his relatives.

He had thought none of them missed him, that he was dead to them, but all this time Prisca had been telling stories about him to his son and doing her best to find him with the help of Matthew.

Prisca stayed with them for hours. Even though the sun was still up and shining, Eli was so exhausted that at some point he started dozing off. He rested his head on Benjamin's shoulder and Benjamin started brushing his hair absent-mindedly. He was talking with Prisca, their voices lowered to a whisper.