Jester (Man x Man) ✔

23) p i c t u r e s

Steven had a wide and joyous grin on his face and he was blissfully unaware of the fights and sleepless nights that had become the new reality for Eli and Benjamin. But then, when he took a closer look at Eli, a small pucker appeared in between his eyebrows.

"You look terrible." Steven pointed out bluntly. "Wait until I get you a drink and then you can tell me all about it."

"There's nothing to tell, really. It's just my ugly face." Eli joked, earning a smile from his friend. He needed to be surrounded with laughter, he needed people who weren't angry at him, he needed all that used to be. Just for one evening he needed to feel like nothing had changed. 

"Here we go." Steven set two glasses, filled to the brim, on the table and took the seat next to Eli. "Spill it out."

"I already told you there's nothing to tell." Eli reassured, flashing Steven a quick smile, and took a sip from his drink. 

The truth was that his life had turned to shit. Everything had turned to shit. Benjamin could barely even look at him and Eli couldn't see a way to turn things back to what they were. 

He could see he was hurting Benjamin, and half of the time he thought about walking away. If Eli could make himself do that, they would end up with just Benjamin hating him. If he stayed, they would end up making things toxic and they would hate not just each other but themselves as well.

"Right. You just zone out every other minute and look like you haven't slept or eaten in days." Steven's remark brought Eli back to present. 

"Fine.. Things are pretty bad with Benjamin, but I won't say anything more, okay?" Eli sighed, turning his gaze away.

"You can't keep it all in, you know? That's like really bad for your health, I read about it somewhere." Steven insisted, obviously not content with Eli's answer.

"Can we just get wasted, dance and have fun?" Eli suggested. Steven had a hesitant look in his eyes and he knitted his eyebrows in consideration.

"That I can do." He agreed eventually and lifted his glass: "Cheers to that!"

And that was exactly what they did. It was early, so the rest of their group was still at work or at school. Then there was the fact it was Wednesday, so it was a lot quieter than normally at FAB. Most of the tables were empty, there was no traffic on the dance floor and the music wasn't blaring as loudly.

"Smile at the camera." Steven laughed, trying to snap a picture of Eli.

"No, don't." Eli exclaimed, then after realizing how emphatically he had uttered the words, added with a grin: "I look terrible, remember?"

"Maybe you do compared to what you normally look like, but you're still hot." Steven kissed Eli's cheek with a loud smooch sound. He was grinning too, although it was getting more and more difficult to hide the dubitation he was feeling. Eli loved to be in pictures, but he had stopped posting anything around two weeks ago and now he didn't want to be seen on camera.

Then they danced again, jumping around the empty dance floor and sometimes hugging each other while laughing until their bellies hurt. Eli was having fun, if not even euphoric. He closed his eyes, seeing the colorful lights through his eyelids and focusing on the rhythmic thumping of the bass.

Then the dance floor was crowded with people. Their bodies felt warm and their elbows sharp when they accidentally collided against each other. The air was filled with perfumes, stale cigarette smoke and alcohol. The music was loud and its rhythm upbeat.

And then it was just Eli and Steven on the dance floor. The music wasn't blaring and the air didn't feel as stagnant. Eli stopped moving and when Steven turned to look at him it seemed to happen in slow motion. When he talked, Eli couldn't make out the words.

"I need a smoke." Eli uttered, the words coming out discombobulated and slow. Then he started stumbling away from the dance floor, bumping into a table on his way and straight out of the main door.

Steven said something, his face clouded with worry, but Eli didn't listen because he was busy fumbling for his lighter. He sat on the pavement and started taking deep drags from his cigarette. 

"Eli, you need to tell me what the hell is going on." Steven emphasized, sitting next to Eli. 

"I love him, you know? I love him and.. I thought he could make everything better." Eli watched how his trembling hand held the cigarette. "But I fucked it up, just like I always do. I told him I did something stupid and I don't think he'll ever forgive me. He's trying to, but I don't think he can."

"What did you do?" Steven asked, leaning closer. Eli glanced at him, took a deep breath and told Steven how he had gone to FAB with Ash and started talking with a guy who he had never seen there before. Once he was done, he left Steven gaping after him and walked back inside. The last thing Eli wanted to see was disappointment on his friend's face, so he rather kept drinking while Steven digested what he had been told.

The rest of the evening was a blur.

Eli drank until he started feeling sick, threw up and continued drinking like nothing had happened. At some point Logan came to talk to them, telling Eli he should go home, and Eli lashed at him. By some miracle he didn't get them kicked out. Eli talked with Steven, too drunk to control what came out of his mouth. They danced for a while, but the fun was already over by then.

"I'm calling Benjamin to pick you up. Talk to him." Apparently Steven had had enough of the tomfoolery, because he made Eli unlock his phone and carried out his plan while pursing his lips in a tight line.

So much for feeling like nothing had changed. So much for dancing and having fun. All Eli had managed to do was to get wasted, and that part he had done a little too well.