Jester (Man x Man) ✔

44) a / n

Hi! First I want to say a huge thank you to all of you who have made it this far! You're golden, I hope you know that. 🖤 

As a writer, I like to try writing new things and topics to improve my skills. And let me tell you, Jester really required that. For example, sex scenes (even if it's not smut) aren't really my thing, but in this story they were necessary. It's been nice to notice how much better my English keeps getting, but I know there's still a lot left to learn. I think getting better at writing — and especially writing in English — is going to be a long process. Fortunately it's something I love doing. :) 

I like to add a few words about the inspiration behind my stories, and with Jester I had a few.

First of all, I'm truly sorry for everyone who hasn't been accepted by their family. You're not alone. 🖤 My family has been supportive, but the rest of my extended family not so much. Long story short there is this one aunt who turned most of my extended family against me as soon as I came out of the closet. I wanted to write a story about that pain. But I also wanted to write about moving on from it. I've realized how important the ones who love me the way I am are, and how I don't need those who don't in my life. I have an amazing partner and despite all the family drama I couldn't be prouder of loving who I love. 

Another thing that's been on my mind a lot is the relationship between religion and homosexuality. I want to emphasize that not all Conservative Laestadians or members of any other religion are homophobic, it's just that (in my opinion) the LGBTQIA+ rights are behind in many religions. I am an atheist, so writing about this topic was a bit scary for me. I think that religion (or the lack of it) is a personal belief and that it should be handled with respect. I hope I managed to do that in Jester. 

Let's have a few words about depression as well. There doesn't always need to be some big trauma, sometimes there's nothing more than chemical imbalance behind it. And although suicide and especially suicidal ideations are rarely talked about, I wanted to include those in the story. It's a triggering and difficult topic to many, but it's also something we all come across in our life at some point in some form. I think it should be talked more about, so that we could help people with suicidal thoughts to get support as early as possible. 

Depression isn't poetic, it's often ugly when you truly look at it. It's pain and emptiness that just won't go away, it's wishing that you were already gone, it's fake smiles and side effects of antidepressants. And then again, it can be almost anything, looking different for everyone. Again, I want you to know that you're not alone. Did you know that there's around 280 million people suffering from depression in the world (WHO, 2021.)?

I want you to remember one thing if not anything else: it does get better. I know, that sounds like such a cliché, just a few empty words. But it isn't. Sadly I can't promise everything will get better, but if you get through it something will. That something might be something incredible. :) Until then, just keep breathing. 🖤 

Oh wow, this was one long speech. I don't know if anyone made it this far.. anyway, if you did, thank you again. Feel free to ask me if you have any questions. :) 

Ps. The part two was named Nepenthe, which means something/someone that makes you forget your grief and suffering.