Jester (Man x Man) ✔

25) g a r d e n s

The house was old, a mixture of Gothic and Victorian, with its dark polished wood walls and floors, big arch windows and spiral staircases. In the living room entire walls were covered with bookshelves, constituting a library more inclusive than Eli had ever seen. 

He had spent the first months trying to read as much as he possibly could. He had found himself a perfect reading spot by the big windows, and him being there had become so habitual Zack had said he was already part of the furnishing.

Eli's room was on the second floor, but he spent most of his time either in his reading spot or in the garden. Back then both Logan and Zack loved gardening and they had taken pride in it. Eli remembered the sweet scent of apples and elderberries mixed with all the flowers in their colorful bloom. He had loved nothing more than to walk in the garden early in the morning, when everyone else was still fast asleep. 

It had taken Eli weeks to recover from the pneumonia, so Logan and Zack had made sure he didn't have to worry about finding a job. They wanted to make sure he focused on getting better. Eli had enjoyed those weeks and the peace and quiet of the old house. Despite his poor health, he had been genuinely happy. He had felt like he belonged, like he could finally be accepted as he was.

When Eli woke up from the floor, Benjamin's arm loosely around his lower back, the memory of the garden was so vivid in his mind he could actually smell the sweetness of the apples. He had been dreaming of the house, and the dream was lingering in his mind. When Eli laid there, looking at Benjamin, who was sleeping peacefully, his mind wandered back to Zack.

Zack hadn't looked the least bit like a club owner with his messy dark hair and kind smile. His clothes were made of linen: loose white henley shirts and brown trousers. He rarely wore shoes, but instead loved feeling the grass under his bare feet. His skin was tanned from the hours spent in the garden and there was always dirt under his fingernails. Yet, coming from a rich family, he owned both the house and FAB. 

Eli planted a kiss on Benjamin's forehead before tentatively moving his arm. It was still early and he wanted to let Benjamin sleep until his alarm. Eli took a quilt from the sofa and covered Benjamin with it, to keep him warm. Then he got up and tiptoed to the kitchen. He wrote a note and left it on the kitchen table, so that Benjamin wouldn't worry when he woke up in the empty apartment. Then he left.

When Eli had started feeling better, Logan had taken him to FAB. The thought of going to a bar, especially as he was underage, was enough to appall Eli to the point he almost threw up from anxiety. Going to a gay bar while being underage had felt even worse, and he had been paralyzed by fear.

All his life Eli had been told certain things about LGBTQIAP people, but what he found from FAB didn't line with any of those. It wasn't some sinful nest, but a newly renovated club with bright neon lights and music that was pounding a bit too loudly. And all the people inside seemed completely ordinary, which shouldn't have surprised him, but somehow still did.

Eli opened the door, praying it wouldn't creak, and it closed behind him with a quiet klick. The lights were off, but Eli knew where to go even with his eyes closed. The space looked bigger and almost ghostly when he was there alone. Eli wasn't really trying to sneak around or hide, but he hoped not to see anyone.

He had been jittery with nerves, keeping his shaking hands deep in his pockets, when Logan had introduced him to Steven, Ash, Brandon and Shirley. They had taken Eli in the group with open arms, finding his innocence and inexperience with alcohol, sex and swearing adorable. It didn't take long before they had accustomed Eli with all of those things though.

Eli smiled briefly when he remembered his first time. It had been with Steven, and during that somewhat awkward experience they had decided it was probably better to be just friends. The idea of kissing and having sex with Steven, his best friend, felt absurd now.

That year Eli spent living with Logan and Zack was a memory he cherished. It had saved his life in more than just the obvious way. But it had all changed the day Zack disappeared. One day Eli had woken up and found out he was gone, leaving no trace, no explanation. After that day Logan had never been the same. 

Eli tried the key in the lock and sighed in relief when it fit. He walked down the stairs, descending into a dark abyss. It felt metaphorical to what his life had become and where he was going. Down, down, down. All the way down to the bottom, where there was no light. No hope for better, for the days of innocence were long gone and buried.

They still didn't know what happened to Zack. Had he left and if yes, why? He and Logan had seemed so happy. Had he gotten into an accident and if he did, where was his body?

Either way, it broke Logan's heart. He got the club and the house, for that was what Zack had wanted, but what were those compared to the heartbreak, the absence of a loved one?

After Zack was gone, it didn't take long before Eli found himself a job and moved away. He had lived in a small, far from luxurious community housing dormitory for the next two years, until he found a flat of his own.

By then Logan had his secret business up and running, and Eli had started working for him. He hadn't gotten involved just because he felt like he owned Logan or because it was easy money, enabling a luxurious way of living. It was just as much about Logan being Eli's friend and Eli wanting to help him out.

He wasn't supposed to know what was behind that door, but sometimes even the darkest secrets could come into daylight if you weren't careful enough.