Fear & Desire - Legacies (book 2)

Do you get that feeling when she smiles

Theres something about good—no, great sex that just leaves you at the mercy of a dreamless sleep. Times like these were perfect. You, Loki, ruined sheets, torn clothes, laboured breathing, it was nirvana. Always nirvana. Your eyes were closed as you laid on the bed whist Loki's head was still between your thighs. The lethargic drowse following your orgasm tore through you almost rendering you incapacitated. Almost. You tried to sift through your dazed memory to recall what Loki had said. Your eyes snapped open as soon as the memory emerged. Raising your upper body, you looked down at Loki trying to keep your expression neutral as the inner portions of your eyebrows rose whilst the outside corners of your mouth fell. Loki looked up at you as his breathing got heavier with the penitent of his expressions.

"Loki, what did you just say?" You asked trying to stop your lips from trembling.

"I-I kissed someone." He admitted sitting back on his heels.

Your eyes widened as you closed your legs and covered yourself with one of the discarded pieces of bedding you and Loki had near shredded only moments ago. Lifting your legs, you pushed yourself further up the bed away from him on the floor. His eyes didn't leave yours.

"What?" You breathed.

"She was a variant of me. A Loki. She and I were at the TVA together." Loki explained as you tried to keep your breaths even.

"She. She was you? Loki I don't even understand what you're saying this-this just sounds wrong" you argued with a scoff as Loki stood up.

"I was there for a long time y/n, you have to understand that—" he began before you snapped.

"UNDERSTAND? Loki you were gone for 6 years. 6 YEARS. I couldn't even look at another man in that way and I thought you were dead. You KNEW I was alive and yet you— I wasn't enough." You finished just above a whisper looking down.

"It wasn't like that y/n, you are my everything." Loki insisted, sitting on the bed and grabbing your hands as you faced him.

There was a pause. A few moments of searching his eyes. A hesitation in your next question. A caesura where you told yourself to not speak. Don't ask any more questions. No more questioning and everything would go back to normal. No. Stop. Don't.

"D-did you love h-her?" You stuttered.

"It wasn't like tha—"

"Did. You. Love. Her. Loki?" You asked again more sternly.

Your heart sank when he looked away from you whilst his grip on your hands slightly relaxed.

"Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh" you exclaimed in a laughing cry as you retracted your hands from his and tried your hardest to move further away from him. He sat in the same position, turned away from you in a quiet reflection.

"You love her don't you" you uttered quickly wiping tears away from your face. "You've probably been pretending I was her this whole time." You babbled feeling angry.

"Y/N." Loki called.

"Leave." You ordered.

"I don't love her." He insisted, only looking towards you when he finished speaking.

"You don't?" You huffed before a pause, looking at him "wow, what a beautiful blonde." You mocked shifting through his desires causing him to look at you in alarm.

"You had no right." He proclaimed.

"Get out" you grimaced.

"The only reason I desired her was because she showed me a better version of myself. I wanted— want to be a better me." He persisted.

"AND I DIDNT? I DIDNT INSPIRE A BETTER YOU?" You shouted.

"Y/N, I didn't mean it like that." He sighed.

"We didn't?" You murmured thinking of the little family you and Loki had made for yourselves. The amazing dad you had witnessed caring for your little angel. The Loki who'd never buy you a bunch of flowers without getting an additional single one wrapped with a bow for Seven. The Loki who'd sing to her. Who'd spoil her. The better Loki. "Fuck you."

"Y/N."

"GET OUT OR SO HELP ME I WILL WREAK HAVOC ON YOUR FRAGILE MIND LOKI!" You roared pointing to the door as Loki flinched from your outburst before grabbing a sheet and leaving.

As soon as the door closed, you hugged your knees to your chest as you cried. Tears streamed down at the discovery. If you hadn't questioned him, things would have continued how they were. Ignorance was bliss. A beautiful bliss. Always a beautiful bliss. A welcomed lie.

Grabbing your phone as you continued sniffling, you messaged Natasha.

Y/N: Hey babes, do you mind having another girly night with Sev tonight? xx

Nat : Sure. Hopefully she won't end up spilling melted ice cream all over my bed again 😂 xx

Putting your phone down, you resumed your crying, wishing you could rewind to half an hour ago.