Fear & Desire - Legacies (book 2)

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Waking up, you felt Loki's arms around your waist as he nuzzled the back of your neck. The light was blinding making you squint, regretting the amount of alcohol you drank the night before. Feeling Loki's grip tighten as you tried to move, you remembered the situation you were in. You and Loki currently weren't on the best of terms so how could you have possibly ended up in this position? Not that it wasn't welcomed. Despite how much you didn't want to admit it, you had missed Loki. Of course you had missed Loki, especially waking up to him spooning you. It was still confusing though. Slowly peaking underneath the covers, you saw that your dress had ridden up but you were still thankfully wearing underwear meaning you didn't have sex last night. Hopefully.

"What's the matter?" Loki questioned tiredly.

"How did you manage to end up back here?" You replied tapping the bed as Loki pulled you closer towards him.

"Go back to sleep. I prefer you a lot more when I'm holding you close and you're resembling a sleeping beauty." He said huskily with a small chuckle.

"Now you're pushing it." You said pulling away from him.

"You don't remember last night do you?" Loki asked as he sat up with you.

"Not much" you huffed.

"Hmmm." Loki hummed looking crestfallen.

There were a few moments of silence as you racked your brain trying to remember last night. You could mostly just remember the fact that Loki had carried you out of the party. You vaguely remembered a conversation you and Loki had had last night. He had said he loved you and you desperately wanted to believe him but you couldn't. You had to hear it again, now, in the sobering light of the morning after. You needed to hear how he truly felt.

"Loki, if you love her, please just admit it." You said quietly not looking at him.

"I don't." He responded.

"Please."

"I don't love her y/n, I love you. I love you so much that it sometimes scares me. She was me. Self absorbed, selfish, me. I craved to be loved and she was me, I craved to love myself. I-I can't explain it y/n—I" he stuttered turning towards you, clearly frantically searching his mind for answers. Picking up one of your hands and kissing it, Loki lowered it before speaking again. "When I was in the TVA, I was put into a time loop being told over and over again that I was always destined to be alone, Sylvie, the other me, reminded me that it wasn't the truth. She had her own y/n, back in her timeline. We spoke about our y/n's and how much we missed them. I was vulnerable, she was there, we kissed, nothing more. It felt like me finally accepting myself. That's the desire you saw y/n, me accepting myself.

You watched his eyes searching your face for any form of response. The look he had was an unfamiliar one. Loki had a downcast expression. He seemed lost in his thoughts. His mind had shifted to somewhere else.

"Show me Loki." You whispered lightly touching his cheek.

"I don't want to show you y/n." He admitted knowing what you were asking.

"Loki. Show me." You repeated.

Delving into Loki's mind, you were able to see his fears. You also saw some of the things that happened to him at the TVA. The time loop, the constant being told that he was unlovable and destined for lonesomeness. You saw his expressions falling more and more every time he was told the same thing. You saw when he started to believe it. You realised what had happened between him and Sylvie. They were both alone, seeking comfort in the only person who's ever truly there for you, yourself. Retracting, you gave a small smile to Loki.

"You're not selfish." You said pushing his back onto the bed "you're not self absorbed." You added as you moved to straddle him. "And you're definitely not destined to be alone." You spoke, leaning down to kiss his lips.

Resting his palms on your upper thighs, Loki looked up at you with a grin.

"No, I definitely prefer you in this position." He smirked before thrusting upwards making you almost tip over.

"Really?" You teased, rolling your hips against him, making his grip slightly tighter as he closed his eyes.

"Actualyyy—" he sniggered "take a look."

"Loki" you gasped delving back into his mind and seeing his desires "I can't get into that position."

"Never say never y/n." He playfully taunted, rolling you off of him and onto the bed as he crept on top of you.

"A-A-A" you said pausing his movements, "I need to have a shower and we need to go and pick up Seven."

"We?" He questioned.

"Yes we. Now, up big blue." You chuckled pushing him off of you.

"Actually, I think I'd prefer you in any position as long as it was in the nude with me right now." He called after you.

"Now it's your turn to behave." You quipped.

"So you do remember last night!" He exclaimed with a laugh.