Costuming the Band

For the Love of God

I sat on the living room couch with both dogs on my lap as a record played across the room. We had been back from tour for about a month and a half and while the boys continued to work on new stuff at the studio my time once again came to an end a few weeks ago as my job was done. After we got home I spent a few weeks organizing and returning items to different locations. I actually got offered a very fun position at a big show downtown and took it instantly as I was excited to be able to not only design but be so hands on in the new project. 

Unfortunately I felt like shit today. I had the worst cramps I had every felt in my life which had been happening for the past week. This was not uncommon for me as my anxiety use to give me stomach ulcers quite often so I was trying my best to just suck up the pain that I had convinced myself was brought on from a fun but stressful tour. My new job required me to get a physical evaluation from a doctor which I was scheduled to take place in a few hours so if the pain was still bad I would bring it it up then but I also did not want it to effect my job I was starting next week. 

Josh had been so sweet the past week with me as well. He was always telling me to relax on the couch while he would get me a heating pad and make me tea. Soup was also something he made for me everyday as it was one of the few things I could eat since I was so nauseous all the time. It was actually Josh who had put the record on for me before he left this morning. I had mentioned to him my emotions were so out of wack from all the stress finally hitting me like a wall, so he put on Joni Mitchell's Blue album knowing it was what I always chose when I just wanted to cry out all my feelings. "Do you need me to stay home and take you to your appointment" Josh kept asking me that morning as I tried to convince him I was fine. I was only able to get him out of the door after I promised him I would text if I needed anything. 

When the record came to a stop, I took it as my sign to get up and get ready. I took the needle off the plastic before slipping the vinyl into its sleeve and then it's home on the shelf. "Ok boys I am going to attempt a shower" I said to the two dogs that were sitting in the warm spot I left on the couch. Happy tail wags were all I got in response before I made my way upstairs. 

The hot water actually helped a lot in my attempt to relax and I pulled a t-shirt and jeans from my drawer. I had gained weight since getting back which once again was not uncommon when I was stressed but it did not make me feel very confident as I struggled to button my pants. Not feeling like bending over to tie my converse, I stole Josh's moccasins and slid them on instead. I debated on doing my makeup since my face was rather pale looking but I really did not have the energy so I settled for just mascara. 

Once I was at the doctors, I was shown to a room where they asked the standard questions about my health before drawing some blood, which I hated due to my severe fear of needles, and asking me to pee in a cup. Then I was left to wait for the doctor so I laid back on the hard plastic bed and tried to breath through the dull pains in my abdomen. 

"Good afternoon" the doctor said with a small knock as she entered the room. We exchanged casualties as she read over my paperwork and then applied a pair of gloves. She checked my reflexes and all that kind of stuff before writing down her final notes and then entering them into the computer. "Well there are a few things I want to discuss really quick. Bloods sugar, heart rate and weight gain are something I took note of but they are all probably explained with the pregnancy so just keep and eye on those with your OB. Everything looks great though" she said getting up from her stool. 

"I'm sorry what" I asked shaking my head. 

"They are probably nothing to worry about just things that change when the body is going through pregnancy" she said clearly not getting what I was confused about. 

"But I am not pregnant" I said looking up to her. 

"Well, according to both your blood tests and urine sample, you are in fact pregnant. This can be a shocking piece of information and you are already 6 weeks along. What I would suggest is talking this over with whoever is involved in the situation and scheduling an appointment to get checked out as soon as possible." While she said this she dug through the cabinet in the room before pulling out a pamphlet and handing it to me along with my physical forms she had been filling out. Her actions and words were gentle and I could tell she knew my brain was racing.