illicit | five hargreeves - EDITING

fourteen

chapter fourteen: cigarettes

Anthony had spent months thinking about what had happened between himself and Number Five. He often wondered how different his life would be had he not confronted him, because realistically Anthony knew that he would've gotten over it eventually. He would've moved on, pretended that he never knew, and lived his life with Five the way he had originally intended to. He would've never known about Five's meetings with the Handler, and he would've never known that Five didn't love him. He wished that it could be like that, that he would just be blissfully unaware of everything, despite how pathetic it sounded.

Because that's just how much Anthony loved Five, so much that he would even go through it all again just so he could relive the ten months they had together that were good. Even now, Anthony knew that he would drop absolutely everything and forget it all if Number Five randomly told him that he loved him, and Anthony would say it back without hesitation; and he wouldn't be lying.

Anthony often did wonder if he still loved Number Five after all this time; and sometimes he wondered if he ever even loved him. He was sure that he did, but his doubts lay with the fact that he had never actually experienced love before, and maybe he didn't even know what love was, and he was stupid for not just thinking that he could love Five, but also that Five could love him back.

Sometimes he thought that he didn't actually love Five at all; he was simply just desperate for the feeling of being in love and for the feeling of being loved by someone. He did eventually come to the conclusion that he was using that as a weird coping mechanism, to make himself seem less stupid for making such a stupid confession.

Anthony knew that he loved Five, and still did, and there was no point in denying it. Now it just seemed to be worse, because they were now constantly around each other again. But now, Five felt so far away and so distant, despite him being right next to him.

The air was cold, freezing, as they both walked down the street. Anthony had no idea where he was being led to, but for some reason he just allowed himself to follow. He had thought about it, and he did decide that he still does trust Number Five, part of him really didn't want to, but another part of him knew that deep down Five still did care about him to some degree, and his reaction at the diner was even more evidence of that.

Anthony pulled out his packet of cigarettes, pulling one out and placing it in between his lips, and then pulled out a lighter and lit it. He barely had inhaled it, before a hand reached up and took it from him. He glanced over at Number Five, who was already taking a puff of it, before he handed it back to Anthony, their hands brushing against each other ever so slightly.

Even the smallest touch from Five was enough to make his stomach flip and he could already feel the heat rising to his face and to the tips of his ears.

He placed the cigarette in between his own lips, taking a long drag of it, blowing out of the smoke into the cool air of the night, he liked the cloud shape that it had made. Anthony then handed it back to Five, and so on and so forth.

"Are you okay?" Five broke the silence they had been walking in, as he handed back the half-burnt cigarette.

"Mhm" Anthony hummed, tilting his head back slightly as he inhaled the nicotine, closing his eyes for a moment before remembering that he was walking outside. He let the cigarette rest between his lips for just a moment, because it tasted like Five.

"I feel like you're pissed at me" Five admitted, stuffing his cold hands into the pockets of his blazer.

Anthony let out a quiet scoff at the statement "Why ever would you think that?" he asked rhetorically.