illicit | five hargreeves - EDITING

sixty seven

chapter sixty seven: together

The idea of love was never something that Five had ever spent too much time thinking about. When he spent fourteen years in the apocalypse, the thought rarely ever crossed his mind, even in his loneliest moments he never really took much time to think about what it would be like to have a person, his person, to be with him during it all.

Love was not something that was particularly talked about or acknowledged in the Hargreeves' household growing up. The word was never said, not to a person or even about something, and while he knew he did love his siblings as much as he was capable of, it just wasn't something he was allowed express.

His father had always told them that Love is what makes you weak, it's what makes you vulnerable and distracts you from your goals " and Five knew now that he wasn't entirely wrong in that sentence. Love is essentially what had made him weak, vulnerable, distracted and just so much more.

In his opinion, the weakness that came with love wasn't particularly a bad thing, it could be good but it could also turn into something so dangerous.

The way Anthony makes him feel weak whenever he looks at him that certain way, the way his knees feel so much weaker when his husband kisses his neck in that one particular spot, the way his entire feelings are weaker and more careful just for him.

It can be bad when it comes to the weakness that follows with a loss; if he was to loose Anthony he'd no doubt become weaker physically, mentally, and emotionally, he wouldn't be able to handle that and it would put himself at risk.

The vulnerability that came with love was the same, it could be good but it could also turn into something so terrible. It was something that scared him more than the weakness, it made him so cautious that he had pulled away because of it.

Anthony had trusted him enough to be vulnerable early on in the relationship; mentally, emotionally, verbally and even sexually. Five wasn't like that, he never had been, which is why it took him that much longer to really show himself to him.

Five had never thought of himself as the romantic type, unlike some of his siblings who had always talked about it when they were teenagers, in all honestly he wasn't even sure how he was supposed to be romantic. What even was romance? Even though he was smartest person in the room, he still was clueless on one of the most important things.

He guessed that he must be doing something right if he had made Anthony stay for as long as he had, even with his lacking skills of romance.

After all this was technically his first relationship in his entire thirty years of living, he didn't really like to include the whole Delores situation, so him being that tad bit clueless made sense.

But he wouldn't have wanted it any other way, his short lived life with Anthony was all he had ever really wanted in life without fully realizing it.

Anthony was his first everything; his first kiss, his first date, his first time, his first ever relationship, his first "I love you."

His first, his last and his only.

"I love this, Ant," Five whispered as he held onto on of his lover's hands, his other arm wrapped around his waist as they slowly swayed together.

He loved this. He loved him. He loved them.

He loved being in love.

Anthony smiled at him, "What part exactly?" he asked, one of his hands in his husband's with the other on his shoulder, gripping it lightly.