illicit | five hargreeves - EDITING

sixteen

chapter sixteen: the worm

"Wait, so you wouldn't date me if I was a worm?"

"Of course I fucking wouldn't" Five replied, rolling his eyes as they walked through the empty parking lot of 'The Gimbel Brothers'. It was already night now, which meant that the entire place was quiet, and there wasn't anyone around.

Anthony frowned "That's rude"

"How? Am I supposed to just show up at my family reunions and be like "Hey guys, this is my husband, who also just happens to be a worm? No, because they would think I'm insane. No sane person has a worm as a boyfriend!"

"To be fair, they already think you're insane" he commented with a snicker.

"Okay, you know what? If you were a worm, I would use you to go fishing" Five added, unintentionally flailing his hands around dramatically.

"...You would use me as fish bait?" Anthony asked.

"That's exactly what I would do" Five nodded.

"Okay  but like what if I was one of those big motherfucker worms, like the one in Beetlejuice or in Dune?" Anthony asked "Then I could fucking eat you or something, which would be good, because then I wouldn't have to listen to your annoying ass anymore"

"So you're a cannibal now?" Five asked.

Anthony rolled his eyes "No, because I would be a worm and not a human. Jesus, keep up" he replied, shaking his head "I can't believe you wouldn't date worm me"

"In my defense, I'm not even dating human you" he defended.

"You married me" Anthony stated.

"For the tax benefits" Five replied.

Anthony gasped in offense, before he shoved Five slightly with his arm "You're such an asshole!"

"Okay, well I would date you if I could be a worm as well, but if I'm still me then I wouldn't, sorry" Five explained and apologized.

"You're not actually sorry though" Anthony replied.

"Am I supposed to apologize for not wanting to date a fucking worm?" Number Five asked.

"Yes, you are" Anthony nodded.

"Fine, I'm sorry that I wouldn't date you if you were a worm" Five apologized.

"Thank you" he replied, and the two walked in silence for a couple of seconds, just listening to the sound of the rain hitting the ground ahead of them "Okay, but what would you do if I turned into a worm right now? Like, right this second, bam! Worm"

"This is such a stupid conversation" Five commented, walking slightly faster to try and get into the store, so they could get out of the rain "I hate the fact that I missed these"'

"You did?" Anthony asked, glancing over at him.

"Unfortunately" Five confirmed.

"Unfortunately? Bitch you should be grateful that I'm even tolerating you right now" Anthony replied.

"I am grateful" he confirmed "Thanks for actually helping me, by the way. I know we're failing right now, but I think it would be worse without you"

Anthony shrugged "I'm not doing it for you, I just have people here that I care about and would rather not let them die"

"I thought you didn't have anyone" Five replied.

"I don't really, but there's still a couple of people I want to be okay, and I can't do that back at the Commission" Anthony explained "Also, I guess I care about you to a certain extent; enough to not want you to die, at least"