Heal me // A Jikook Trilogy //

《12》A Past so Sad and Terrible

"Can I ask you something?"

Jimin slurped at his hot chocolate, the blanket thrown over our legs as we sat close to preserve the warmth.
It had gotten even colder, but still no snow.

"Sure."

"What's the story between Suho and Namjoon? He only mentioned that they grew up together in the same neighbourhood."

Jimin stopped drinking, slowly lowering the cup and I knew, only by the tension suddenly in his body, that I breached sensitive topic.

He turned his head to look at me, our meagre distance allowing me to feel his breath on my face.

"You sure you want to know?"

I didn't answer.
Mostly because I wasn't sure myself, only that it was a question which had swirled in my head for days now, not letting me sleep properly- amongst other things...

So I only gave him the tiniest nod, my lips pressed into a thin line.

"All right. But it's not a pretty story."

"Trust me, I'm familiar with such stories. It's all I've ever known."

I knew it hurt him whenever I spoke like that- when I allowed the bitterness at my own life to echo in my voice, but sometimes I just couldn't help myself.

He didn't say anything though, only nodded his head and took a deep breath, staring at the dark content of his cup.

"Suho was the same age as Namjoon's older brother, Kyung-Ho.
They went to the same school, same class and became friends at a young age.
Namjoon adored his brother and hung out often with Suho and Kyung-Ho.
But their life wasn't all that easy. Namjoon's mother had died giving birth to him. I think it's one of the many reasons he felt guilty about his families struggle.
His father used to be a a military officer, but when his wife died... well, he didn't take it so well and took to drinking, resulting in the loss of his job.
So he started at a factory close by.
Shit money, long hours and hard labor. Namjoon says he often didn't see his father for weeks, and when he did, he was always passed out in the bed.
He was still drinking.
Namjoon took on his first job when he was nine. Not legally of course, but even when he was young, Namjoon was a smart kid.
Made more money than his father by the age of thirteen.
Kung-Ho... he was a bit different though. He was a dreamer.
Head up in the clouds and always coming up with new, crazy ideas how to get to money.
It's just that it never really worked out.
He often made it even worse, loosing money on bets and bad investments.
The money Namjoon had earned by skipping school and staying up late into the night.
Yet Namjoon never yelled at him, never judged him for it.
He loved his brother above all else. He didn't want to ruin his optimism and view at the world. That belief that everything would eventually turn out well. Suho used to be like that too, you know."

My eyes widened in disbelieve.

Suho?
He was many things, but not a believer.
He took actions, always expecting the worst from others.
Always suspicious and cautious.

"Hard to believe, right? But when Namjoon talks about the boy he used to be...it's like he's talking about an entirely different person.
Suho was charming and funny when he was a boy, always able to make the people around him feel welcome and safe.
Despite where he came from. Despite the cards he'd been dealt.
Because where Namjoon had a father who still loved them, still cared about his two boys and was ready to wreck his body for them, Suho's parents weren't like that.
His mother had run away with some biker, leaving him and his sister Joy with their father.
A father who gave two shits about his kids, sitting at home and doing nothing to help them, only made their life worse. And Namjoon- he always wanted to make up for that hole in Suho's life. Wanted to help him, so he gave him some of that hard earned money.
Not just because of pity, but to thank him for being friends with his brother.
You see, his brother... his optimism and giddiness wasn't exactly the healthy kind.
He was bipolar. It was never diagnosed since they didn't have the money for a doctor, but Namjoon knew. He'd seen his brothers behaviour.
The days, weeks where he would be giddy with energy, spending his money on reckless, crazy ideas, wouldn't sleep or rest for too long and always a massive smile on his face.
He would be picked up by his big brother and swirled around, laughing brightly.
Only to find him unable to come out of bed the next day, crying to himself until he fell asleep again, refusing to see anyone- anyone but Suho.
He'd been the only one who could get through to Kyung-Ho when he was having one of his bad days, even if it was Namjoon who informed himself about his condition and worked twice as hard to have enough money for the medication his brother needed.
He did it gladly if it meant his brother would be fine. And he got better when he was finally on medication.
His mood stabilized and life got a little easier.
Suho stayed at their place a lot, even as he made some other friends.
Well... Suho and Kyung-Ho both. There was Xiumin, Chen and D.O. first. Then Chanyeol and Baekhyun joined their group.
Tao, Kris and Luhan next, followed by Lay, an exchange student from China.
Namjoon was seventeen at the time, working three jobs next to school, barely home to see what was happening. To realize his brother and Suho were heading down a dangerous lane.
Failed to see that Suho had changed.
That he no longer just saw the positive.
That he was starting to learn the only way to get out of the misery of his life was by making a name for himself and taking power.
That he was angry at the world and confided his dark thoughts to Kyung-Ho.
Kyung-Ho, his best friend.
Who wanted to help.
Who was already mentally unstable.
Who wanted to help Suho and suggested selling medication.
His medication.
He said he didn't need it anymore.
And Suho agreed- And got a taste of what would later become his empire.
They began stealing medication, then reselling it, before they set their eyes on bigger things. Drugs.
But Namjoon eventually found out- noticed his brothers erratic behaviour. His manic state.
The mood swings and crazy ideas.
And when he went to ask for Suho's help, he saw what they were doing.
Realized why his brother was having his episodes again.
Now... Namjoon was by no means a saints. The jobs he took on were seldom legal and he too stole things every now and then but he had his principals.
Never take something from someone who struggled too.
And he would never take on a job that would risk the live of innocents.
Namjoon confronted Suho, sought him out down by the docks where he knew they'd been hanging out for a while now.
They had a fight, Namjoon and Suho- a nasty one where many hurtful words flew. Kyung-Ho walked in on them and heard.
When the both of them noticed him, Namjoon begged his brother to come home, to take his medication again and leave this all behind him.
To not go down a path that was build upon the misery of others.
But Kyung-Ho refused.
He told Namjoon that this would finally be their freedom.
That he could finally be the older brother Namjoon deserved and he would take care of him from now on. Would finally have enough money to buy his kid brother everything he wanted.
No matter what Namjoon said, how much he begged, Kyung-Ho wouldn't go with him.
He left by himself again.
And a week later..."