Heal me // A Jikook Trilogy //

《81》The King of Gangs

"Jimin. Wait a second."

I pulled the boy back by his waist and engulfed him in a tight back embrace.
Jimin released a tiny sigh as leaned back into me, rubbing his cheek against my upper arm.

It was natural for me to lean down and let my chin rest on the place where his neck met his shoulder, the tiny boy letting out another small sound of comfort.

I just held him for a moment.
Neither of us spoke.
We only listened to our even breathing and the two hearts that beat in the same rhythm.

I had my eyes closed and with every breath, I saved the scent of him deeper into my soul, making sure there would never come a time when I forgot.

"Are you scared?" he asked it quietly into the silent room.

We were in my trailer, getting dressed for a night that would change everything.
Tonight, it would end.
How?
Only those non-existing God's knew the answer.

I shuddered with my next exhale but held him a little tighter.
And yet- the truth.
A quiet admission I was not afraid to make- not to Jimin.

"Yes."

Jimin nodded in my arms.

"Me too."

I kept holding him, feeling like I never wanted to let him go.
Had the strange urge to keep him here in this embrace, in my arms, where he would be safe from the world out there.

But my own heart wouldn't allow it today.
It beat with a heavier burden than Jimin could understand.
With pressure and nervousness, yet a burning determination.

I turned him slowly and took his hands into my face, making him look up at me.
Giving him no chance to escape my eyes.
His widened ever so slightly at what he saw in them.

"I have to ask you something."

"What?"

"Would you do the same for me as Tae did for Lian?"

Confusion crossed his features, his brow furrowed.

"Do what?"

"I mean... would you let me do something I have to do, even if it's dangerous?"

He stared at me for a while, confusion battling with fear.

"Why are you asking me that?"

"I just want to know."

"So... it's just a hypothetical question?"

"Sure."

The lie burned my tongue.
But I knew I couldn't look away or Jimin would know it.

He relaxed a little when he saw I didn't do what I usually did when lying.
Only then did he seriously think about my question.
I waited for his answer with a hammering heart I hoped he couldn't hear.

"I... I don't know, JK. I... I guess if it's something you have to do for yourself- if it was your choice and you felt like you had to make it... it would still depend on the situation, but I would never hold you back from doing something you need to do.
Love shouldn't be a prison.
It shouldn't confine you or change who you are or who you want to be.
But... well, I guess it's easier said than done.
Let's just hope we'll never have to make that decision, Okay?"

I almost looked away.
Almost bit my lip to hide the guilt that stabbed through my chest.

So instead, I pulled him back into my arms.
Held him tight once more.