Heal me // A Jikook Trilogy //

《65》Giving Hope to Hope

It was hard to watch.

And I was so, so sick of this feeling.
Sick of all this worry.
All the pain.
That slowly fading hope.

Yoongi had not woken up.
The first time I was allowed to stand and get out of bed, it was the first place I had gone to.
And then it hit me all over again.

Seeing him like this...
Yoongi, so pale, his washed out green hair loosing it's vibrancy and giving way to his natural black.

It only made him appear more ashen.
He lay there, still, the white blanket drawn up to his chest.
A chest that moved up and down, slowly, evenly, but at least it continued.

It was even harder to see the boy always by his side.
The only time Hoseok had left, was when he heard I had woken up.
Other than that, he only left this room to do the essentials.

Taking a shower, changing his clothes and using the toilette.

Other than that..
He slept in here.
He ate in here.
He never took his eyes off the sleeping boy.

Yes... that's what I told myself.
Yoongi was only sleeping.
He would wake up soon.
Any day now.

Even though three days had come and passed and there was no change.
I could only imagine how much worse it was for the others.
They had seen him in this state for a week longer than me.

It ate away at you.
Every time I stepped in here, I told myself to have hope.
Yoongi was strong.
He would make it.

And yet... every time I caught sight of him, the fear and helplessness was like a terrible beast, nibbling away at that hope.
I had come alone tonight.

It was late already.

I had woken up close to midnight, Jimin sleeping next to me.
He too, had not left my side much, always close by.
And as I lay there, unable to get back to sleep, I just had the urge to come here.
To make sure Yoongi was still breathing.

The room was dark, safe for the nightlight glowing low and dim in a blue light.
I hated it.
Hated how it illuminated how pale both of my brother's were.

Hoseok lay on the little bed next to Yoongi's, his body turned to the side, face directed towards him and judging by the hard lines on his face, he had only fallen asleep because of his exhaustion.

He moved, twitching in his sleep like he was trapped in a nightmare.
I sighed and stepped fully into the room, making my way to Yoongi's side, where I sat at the edge of the bed, watching my friend and brother.

Glancing over to Hoseok, I made sure he was fast asleep, then spoke in a low whisper.

"Hey Yoongi. It's me. JK."

It felt stupid to talk like that.
I knew Yoongi most likely could hear nothing, but it still lend me some comfort.

"You don't have to sleep anymore, you know?
Actually, I think it's pretty lazy of you!"

I tried to smile, but it just wouldn't work.
Yet I kept joking.
Kept the mood light even as the emotions bottled up in me.

"You've always been such a sleepy head!
Remember how scared we all were when we had to wake you up?
Hoseok most of all. But.."

I choked up a little, having to clear my throat.

"I don't think you would mind now, would you? If we woke you up?
There is this thing you have to tell Hoseok, remember?
And I know for certain now, that your feeling's are not one sided.
So... why don't you wake up, hmm?
It'll be all right then, I promise.
Just... just wake up, okay?"