Heal me // A Jikook Trilogy //

《38》Fight me, Babe

Okay, Okay.

Enough depression.
Let's have some fun!

"Are you okay?"
His voice was but a whisper in the room, a quiet question asked into the night.

I already opened my lips to tell him I was okay, but we had promised to be honest to one another.

"No. Not really," I whispered back.

We were in my trailer, laying in bed, Jimin in my embrace as the little spoon.
He turned now, entangling himself gently from my arms and looked at me.

His eyes were soft, a little sad as he reached out and gently pushed a strand of black hair from my forehead, then continued to caress my cheeks with his soft, small fingers.

"Tell me then," he said, waiting.
Patient.
Understanding.

I swallowed thickly before I let the words flow free.

"I heard Suho's voice again. When I saw Hoseok- It reminded me of too many things.
Of how I was part of that drug empire, helping X-EXO run this business that rested on the misery of people like Hoseok's.
And I felt helpless again when I couldn't stop our brother from hurting.
Wasn't strong enough even after all the time and effort I invested to become the strongest."

Jimin nodded and was quiet for a long time while he kept lovingly caress my face.

"You were just a kid back then, JK. You were fifteen and lost and just needed someone.
It's not your fault someone like Suho found you.
He manipulated you. I hope you know that.
And I think that what Lian did today is something you could learn from."

I shot him a confused expression, not understanding what he was getting at.

A small smile played on his lips and I could feel the admiration and wonder he felt for that tiny girl.
As had we all today.

"You don't always have to be the strong one to win. I mean, look at her.
In physical strength she is without a doubt the weakest of us all and yet she managed the impossible. She got through to Hoseok.
We didn't even need to use a sedative."

My lips parted and I felt myself nod.

"You're right. But... this is Lian we're talking about. I wonder if there is anything that woman can't do."

"Yeah there is. Like not asking questions. Or stop shocking us. I bet we'll even find more the longer she's with us."

I smiled.
I couldn't help it.
The thought of having Lian with us for a long time made me happy.

Jimin smiled with me before he grew a little more serious, his thumb tracing the shape of my lips, his eyes following the movement.

"What does he say when you hear his voice?"

His voice wavered like he wasn't sure he should ask it, yet his eyes told me he needed to know.
I took a deep breath and told him the deepest secrets of my mind.

"He calls me Bunny. Tells me I'm weak. That I don't deserve to be loved.
That I only get the people who care about me hurt.
And whenever I try to yell back at him- to tell him that's not true, his voice grows louder.
So loud until it's all I can hear and I start believing it again myself."

Jimin's eyes closed for a long time like he wanted me to not see how my words were affecting him.
Slowly, they opened and focused back on me.

"I wish I could be in your head and tell him to fuck off.
I wish I could help you with this."