Always

24| Halloween

It was around eight when Mya and I decided to start getting ready for the party. We did each other's make up, and I helped Mya put the green wax in her hair and it got everywhere. Thankfully it washes out pretty well and didn't stain my fingers.

I had the bat and a lot of questions, but our costumes were perfect. Of course I had the iconic Harley Quinn shirt and shorts with netted stockings and boots. Mya was dressed as the 2016 joker and holy smokes.

"If I were into girls I'd so date you," I practically drool.

"Of course you would." 

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah hang on a sec let me text Jacob and let him know we're on our way. I don't wanna have to wait in the crowd to get inside."

"Jacob huh. Okay," I yell heading to the bathroom to find my phone. I'm pretty sure that's where I left it.

No messages.

I'm not sure why I expected a text from Greyson but I did. It made me feel a weird sensation in my chest. I sigh pushing my phone in my purse and headed back to my room.

"Okay we're all set."

"Okay Puddin," I say in the best Harely Quinn voice I can muster. It's actually pretty good.

"Never do that again," Mya says with not a sliver of amusement.

"Got it."

Before I head to the car I check in with Lils, letting her know that we're leaving. She just nods her head in response. Not everyday can be a good one I guess. I check my make up one last time and wave my parents off before heading to the party.

***

The homecoming party was a complete joke compared to what Mya and I are staring at. There were so many people outside that a crowd started to gather a few houses down. Thank god Mya called Jacob to let him know we were outside and he came out to escort us in.

I literally swim through the sweaty crowd trying to keep up with Jacob. The party probably hasn't been going on for an hour yet and everyone's intoxicated. I mean it in the most literal way possible that there isn't a single sober soul in here right now.

After my olympic swim meet we finally arrive in the kitchen where there were fewer people and we actually had space to breathe.

"Where are the other two?" I shout to Jacob over the blaring music. Was I subtly asking for Greyson? Maybe.

"Kevin's somewhere wasted hooking up with some other guy that's also wasted. And I haven't seen Greyson since the crowd appeared, he's around here somewhere."

You can hear the uncertainty in his voice at the end. He gives me a weird questioning glance before turning back to Mya.

I'd give myself weird looks too honestly. I'm doing and feeling unusual things that I don't like. It's not me and it's causing my mood to sour.

Speaking of sour, I walk over to the cabinets and grab a bottle of trusty vodka. I raid the fridge and pantry for salt and a slice of lime before I pour myself a shot and gulp it down. It seared my throat sliding down tantalizingly slow, but I did what I had to.

I don't want to be a party pooper. Although, to be honest I wasn't really in the mood to party anymore. I'd much rather be anywhere but here. Even somewhere bantering with the dipshit seemed more enjoyable.

Which is the freaking problem !

I glance over at Mya and Jacob who're practically dying to drool into each other's mouths and I make an abrupt U turn. Nope, not gonna third wheel.

We've been excited about this party for weeks and now I don't even want to be here. I wanna leave but can't, that'll make me a shit friend, I know. I just feel like I'm fucking trapped and need to get out but I can't.

I just can't. I can't, I can't, I can't.

I can't stay sober like this. I'm not gonna allow my thoughts to swallow me whole and have an anxiety attack. Downing a new cup of something I almost barf chugging it down immediately. I whipped up some concoction hoping it'll taste like the one Mya gave me last time. I drink it so fast it doesn't even have time to burn. All I'm left with is the familiar heat radiating from my chest.

Fuck it.