Always

58| Acceptance

Greyson

"Mr. Reynolds, come in." I quietly walk into the cool air conditioned room and sit on the familiar 'L' shaped sofa. I glance outside the floor to ceiling windows to admire the last few moments of the beauty spring brings. "So, how did the visit with your father go yesterday?"

"The usual emotional roller coaster I guess. He shouts at me and curses me for leaving him there, but the longer I'm there he warms up to me. Until it's time to leave and he's shouting at me again," I shrug.

"And how does that make you feel? The fluctuations in his attitude toward you."

"It's strange," I laugh. "You'd think because I've spent such a huge portion of my life afraid of him and what he'll do to me that I'd I resent him, but I don't. So the emotions a victim should feel toward their abuser— I don't feel them. I feel normal."

"There isn't a guidebook or manual that lists the emotions victims of abuse 'should' feel. Every individual is different. How they think, how they feel, how they react is all different. Sure the human brain has its consistencies, but we're all wired differently. So you're not not feeling what you should, you're just feeling what you feel. Does that make sense?"

"It does, but it scares me, you know?"

"What scares you?"

"The fact that I was more afraid that he'd die of overdose than being beaten to death myself. I can't hate him when I know I should and I'm afraid that I'll end up just like him."

"You can't hate him because despite all that he's done, you're still searching for the man he was before your mother left," she explains. "It is true that in some cases the abused becomes the abuser but the fact that you're here proves that you refuse to let that happen. And in my book, that's good enough."

"I-I don't know. Ever since my mother left I've been picking up the pieces of his life and mine that she's shattered. I just feel like it's my responsibility to fix him too," I shrug.

"You're not a handyman Greyson. You've done your best, but that is not your job it's his. Okay?" Violet asks tenderly. "Who he was then is a part of who he is now and that's never going to change. But that's not who he is anymore and I think you already accepts that."

I nod my head because she's right and I know she is but it's hard to just stop what I've been doing for over a decade of my life. But I want to get better and be better not just for myself but for her as well. So I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that my pretty girl stays happy.

"You're thinking about her again aren't you? It's all over your face," my therapist laughs. The wrinkles in her tan face showing only then—when she smiles.

"Yeah, I am."

"Tell me more about that. How're things with you and Allison?"

"Things are great. We went on a date yesterday and I took the most beautiful candid photos of her," I smiled looking at the photo of her taking a picture of the sunset. We enjoyed a cute little picnic on the beach with all of her favorite foods and she loved it.

"Looks like you guys had fun."

"Yeah she's been super stressed lately over college acceptances so I surprised her to take her mind off of it."

"It is a really stressful time for seniors, graduation's in two weeks. What about you? Do you see yourself going to college or anything?"

"I've thought about it for a while and I decided I want to go to culinary school."

"Really? What made you decide to pursue a culinary career?"

"It was a really big decision especially when I was sure I'd go to college for football since middle school. But someone told me that my cooking is a gift that I shouldn't let go of. And I believe so too especially because I'm happiest in the kitchen," I grin proudly.