Always

55| Rose

The elegant ballroom music played softly across the auditorium. I couldn't bare to peak out from behind the curtain knowing it would only fuel my anxiety.

Finally after months and months of blood sweat and many, many tears, the Beauty and The Beast Christmas performance was here. Tonight is a huge deal for both Mya and I because there are a lot of important sponsors in the crowd. If things go well enough we'll both probably be scouted.

Any minute now the music will change signaling me to glissade center stage. To say that I'm nervous is an understatement. I've been dancing for years but the fear of those eyes in the crowd judging you never goes away. My execution of this performance may or may not decide my future in dance, so I have to give it my all.

Dancing elicits emotion in me and through it I express whatever my heart feels. Despite the nerve wrecking anxiety flowing through my veins, what I feel most is beautiful.

I feel so fucking beautiful.

And it's not only because of my costume. While my rose red bodice and matching tutu with gold embroidery and ruby embellishments does give me a massive confidence boost, I truly feel beautiful just as I am.

I take a deep breath as the music slows, gracefully pointing my toes in preparation for my solo. Then I daintily glide on stage as the audience expresses their awe of my appearance.

As I'm pirouetting my soul away in front of the huge crowd my mind strays further and further away from what's in front of me. I can't help but to smile at the irony of it all.

I've worked my butt off for months for this enchanted rose performance. The flower that symbolizes the need for reformation. While it's beauty is undeniable it's meant for us to realize that true beauty lies within.

Something I've never understood until now.

Loving myself, my true self, is something I've struggled with for the past three years. Truth is, I don't want to struggle anymore. My body is mine and no one else's. I'm stuck with it until the day that I die. It's a home that I was born with, and a lifelong investment that I want to learn to love.

I've hated and tormented the body that hadn't done anything wrong because of words I suddenly decided to care about. Maybe because it was him who'd said them that I spiraled down such a treacherous path and that his opinion of me mattered more than my own. But I think it's time for reformation.

As the music crescendos I'm faced with the audience once more. I grand jeté preparing for the chaos that will follow epitomizing the beast's rejection of the rose. As I dramatically fall to the ground it hits me like a brick.

I can't keep running away from who I was. I keep trying to reject and separate myself from the chubby cheeked girl with the pigtails, but I can't. Because she is me and I'm her.

The other dancers all run on stage tumultuously and I use that opportunity to slip offstage with a sigh. My heart that should be racing was still like a lake and I was happy about it. As I'm leaving to hair and makeup Chelsea runs up to me squealing and squeezes the life out of me.

"Oh. My. God. Ali that was the most impassioned performance I've ever seen in my life. I cried look!" she said pointing to her smudged mascara.

"Really? Thank you, thank you so much" I grin out of breath.

"Yes really!! I felt like you were telling your story through that of the rose. It was beautiful," she squealed again.

"Kisses to the chef."

"Thank you. You have to change quickly now. Hair and makeup are already on their way."

"Alright!!"

"Break a leg! Wait, no! I'd prefer if you kept your legs!" she shouted running away from me.

Backstage was in absolute disarray and I was so glad I had my own dressing room to escape from it all. I'm already unpinning the rose from my hair on my way to my dressing room. All I could think about is Greyson's chicken alfredo. I'm so hungry right now I could eat a horse.

Hmph. Never thought I'd think that.

I sit in my chair to take off my slippers and notice a small container with a little sticky note on it on my vanity. Next to it is small bottle of water and sour gummy worms. I grin plucking the note off because I already know the culprit behind it.

'ur doing amazing princess
sent some just incase <3

x.G'

"Aww, he's so sweet," I smile.

"Aww, you think I'm sweet Greene?"

My smile drops and I look up into my mirror to see Greyson walking up to me with his hand behind his back.

"What are you doing here?" I whisper standing up to give him a kiss.

"I just dropped by to leave some pasta because I know you haven't eaten anything today," he smiles.

"Thank you but, you could've just left it. You're missing like half of the performance."

"You're right in front of me. I'm not missing anything important. And if I was out there, I wouldn't have been able to see your reaction when I give you these."

He removes his hand from his back revealing the cutest bouquet of handmade paper roses I've ever seen. I gasp in awe of them my eyes already watering. I hug him so tightly that it hurts. With tears threatening to spill from my eyes I kiss him with everything that I have.

"Thank you so much." I grin. "You made all of these yourself?"

"You're welcome. And yes I did. Took me a week to get the technique right," he laughs.

"That's so sweet of you. Do these sticky notes have actual notes on them?" I tease.

"Yes," he smiles kissing me once more.

"Oh." I say dumbfounded.

He walks behind me towards my vanity, unraveling the back of my bodice in the process. I sit down and admire the bouquet of flowers I've been given and notice a card. I take it to read but he stops me.

"I want you to read it after the show ends."

"Why?"

"Just read it after. Eat your pasta before it gets cold okay? I'll be cheering you on," he says kissing me on the forehead.

And just like that he's gone. Less than a second later my hair and makeup artists walk in with my costume for the second half of my performance.

The show must go on I guess.