Always

5| Tension

*Slight TW: ed, anxiety, & self hate*

"No you're doing it all wrong!" I say for the hundredth time.

"You're doing it wrong." Greyson retorts, sounding just as frustrated as I am.

"I'm never wrong!" I huff.

We've spent the last hour and a half working on the project, and for the most part everything was perfect. We just have to decide on how to execute the entire power point, choose a transition for the slides, and write a conclusion. I desperately wanted to finish this all in one sitting so I can forget his existence, but we're both burned out and frustrated at this point.

"You know what? We'll continue this later, yeah? Because we've past the point of getting anything else done. So I'll just leave."

"No. You won't."

"Yes I will. Watch me."

"Listen princess, you're pretty and all but I don't wanna do this again. So how about we finish now so there won't be a later hmm?"

Harsh.

"Fine," I say through gritted teeth. "We'll take a break, calm down, then get back to work."

"Great."

"Perfect."

And then there was silence. We just stood there in awkward silence once again. I was about to ask to use the bathroom to escape the tension, when my stomach betrayed me.

Oh God no. It's been that long since I've eaten?

"You—"

"Nope!" I yelp.

"Care to let your stomach speak? Seems to have a lot to say."

Okay. Rude.

A pang of anger shoots through me, and I can feel my facade crumble.

"What did you say?" My voice barely comes out above a whisper.

"Look I didn't mean for it to sound offensive. I just- we both heard your stomach growl. I was just making a joke."

A joke?

And then it all came back. What he did, how I felt. The feeling that single night did to me for years. Why for months on end I woke up and hating what I saw. Hating hair, my face, my body. Hating myself so much. I feel myself start to tremble as tears well up in my eyes. I'm going to have an attack.

I'm going to have an attack in front of the boy who flipped my entire world upside down.

"Where's the bathroom?" I choke out, my throat feels like it's on fire.

"Down the hall to the right. Are you okay?" His facade from earlier completely broken, his eyes drowning in fear.

He's genuinely concerned, but it's too late.

I don't waste a second before bolting in the direction of the bathroom. Once inside I shut the door and turn on the tap to drown out any sobs. I try to control my breathing like my therapist said but it doesn't help.

I'm barely able to breathe, like there's some shortage of oxygen in the room. My heart is raging out of my chest, like it's desperately trying to escape it. Tears are streaming down my face pouring out uncontrollably. I want to stop but I can't. I sit on the floor because afraid that I'll fall because of the spinning room. I try and I try and I try, so hard, to drown out the thoughts that were swirling in my mind.

You're pathetic.

Your stomach seems to have a lot to say.

You're always hungry, aren't you?

Your body is disgusting.

You're. A. Joke.

I pull my knees to my chest and hug them tight. I lie down on the floor, giving up on trying to stop the attack. I let it swallow me whole. If you can't beat em, join em. My tears blur my already hazy vision and my head pounds. It feels like someone's trying to rip my heart out, and I let them. I stare at the beautiful design on the bathroom tile.

It'll all be over soon.

A/N:
Poor Ali :(

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Be safe guys <33.