Bonds of Light and Fire

33. The Osprey's Choice

"Tell me about him," Luciana urged, her voice softer than a whisper.

Vaughan took another moment to gather himself, then began. "Connall and Fenrys arrived in Doranelle over a century after I was blood-sworn to Maeve. Connall swore the oath immediately, but Fenrys refused and was sent to war with an elite unit. Maeve...she wanted them both. She knew the only way to get Fenrys was to use Connall, so she did."

"Connall took my place in Maeve's bed. At first, I was just relieved that she didn't want me anymore, but that feeling didn't last long. I began to see the effects that everything was having on Connall, and I tried to befriend him. I was always on patrol or attending to other duties at night, so I was awake when Maeve finished with him. On the nights when she let him leave..."

Vaughan paused as a look of confusion crossed Luciana's features. "Sometimes Maeve would use the blood oath to command us to remain in her room, even after she fell asleep," he explained. "We couldn't leave until she released us." Luciana bit her lip and nodded. "Anyway, after he was sent away, he came to find me."

"We began to get to know each other and bonded quickly. We became each other's solace. Gradually, we began to care for one another. More than we should've. When that happened, Connall pushed me away, and I let him. We both knew what would happen if Maeve picked up on our feelings. She would've been quick to use us against each other more than she already did. But despite the distance we created, we couldn't stop caring."

"After Fenrys swore the oath and Maeve promised to leave Connall alone, I was dragged back into my old place. When Fenrys was gone, she summoned me. Sometimes, she summoned me even when he was there. When she hosted balls, she let her favorites make good use of Connall, Gavriel, and I. Quite often, she sent Connall and I with the same person. We knew it was an attempt to catch us making our feelings known, so we never did. We wouldn't touch each other. We wouldn't speak to each other. We would barely even look at each other."

Vaughan's heart clenched and he paused to gulp down a few steadying breaths. Luciana reached for him, then caught herself and clasped her mug tightly with both hands. He felt a rush of gratitude towards her, and offered her a small smile to reflect it. Luciana's golden gaze shimmered with a mixture of emotions.

"Instead," he continued, "we were careful and showed our affection in other ways. When I came back to my room after Maeve had her way with me, Connall was always waiting. He slept at the foot of my bed in his wolf form. If I couldn't sleep, he stayed awake with me. We didn't talk though. Talking would've led to more. That was why Connall stayed in his wolf form. It was easier that way."

"When Maeve had him punished, I was the one who took care of him afterwards. There were many times when I stitched him back together. Held his guts in with my own hands. Sat awake at his bedside, fearing that my only comfort in life would leave me. And one day, he did. I was gone when it happened. When I returned, all Maeve said was that he'd committed suicide. Fenrys was the one who told me the truth."

"When Aelin was Maeve's prisoner, she tried to break her by hurting Fenrys. Maeve used the blood oath to compel Connall to drive a dagger through his own heart. No one knew what happened to him after that. The first time I returned to Doranelle after the war ended, I went to Connall's room."

Vaughan's eyes burned at the memory of what he'd found. He curled his nails into his palms and kept talking. "She'd left him there to rot. For months. I can still smell his remains on my hands. Blood, the sickly sweet scent of death, and Connall's scent beneath it. He was so decomposed that I barely recognized him. I burned his body that same night."

"Did you ever get to tell him how you really felt?" Luciana asked.

"No." Vaughan shook his head, then glanced at her. "We didn't get to have anything that we should've, Luci. We never told each other the truth. We never shared a kiss. We couldn't even risk holding hands. The only night Connall was ever in my bed and not in his wolf form, he wouldn't let me say a word."