Where Are You Now?

Forever

Chapter 46

Song for this chapter:
Never Say Never by The Fray

Josh's P.O.V

I feel her pulling away from me and it's only 4 am in the morning which makes me realize there's something wrong. "Are you okay?" I ask her and she looks up at me. "My throat hurts so bad." She tells me in a barely heard voice looking at me. I got her something but I hope it fucking works. The last thing I want is to see her ill.

"I'll get you something." I tell her and leave the bed. I walk out of the room and head to the kitchen to get her some water with the pills that the pharmacist gave me.

I boil the water to make sure that the water isn't cold and wait for it a few minutes before it's done. I get back to her with a glass of warm water and the pills to find her laying in bed with her eyes closed.

"Michelle." I call her name turning on a small light and she opens her eyes sitting. "Thank you." She says forcing a smile while taking the glass and the pills from my hand. And I want to tell her that whatever happens to her it's my fault in the end but I decide not to cause I know I will only push her away from me with that.

I sit in front of her on bed and watch her while she takes the pill. "What time is it?" She asks me handing me the glass of water. "It's 4am." I tell her and she just nods.

"We have school in three hours." She says breaking the silence after a few seconds looking at me. "That should be fun." I tell her which makes her laugh. I've always loved her laugh for some reason and loved watching her laugh.

"Have you slept at all?" She asks looking at me still wearing my jacket with the green dress that looks perfect on her. And the thought of Robert being next to her the entire time makes my adrenaline rush. "Yeah, I did." I lie.

"Are you warm?" I gently ask her and she immediately nods in agreement. "Josh, what if it's all temporary?" She asks looking at me and I can see fear in her eyes right now. The look that I wished I'd never see in her eyes.

"What do you mean?" I ask her knowing exactly what she means." What if a year from now this wouldn't matter? What if there is no more us? And we continue with our lives like we never happened because that would kill me Josh." She says looking at the blankets. "No way I could continue my life without you. No matter where you are. I will always be with you. Okay?" I softly tell her hoping she'd remember that and hold on to it.

"We should sleep." I tell her and she looks up at me. "I don't want to sleep. I want to spend some time with you." She says looking everywhere but at me. And I want to agree because I want to spend some time with her even more but I decide not to.

"We need to get some rest. I don't want you to get worse." I tell her.

"Okay." She says and allows me to lay next to her as she rests her head on my chest like before and I gently brush her hair until she falls asleep.

I smell her scent as she is asleep and know that if she leaves that will be one of the things that I'm going to miss. I love her and love everything about her for reasons that are still unknown to me. Why did my heart choose her even though I tried pushing her as far as possible?

There was only one rule for me and it's to never get attached to anyone so that I wouldn't have to live with the fear of losing. And that was my biggest fear getting attached but she always replaces it with comfort once she's next to me.

And now I fear losing her.

...

I open my eyes once I hear the alarm buzzing realizing that I have only slept for an hour and she immediately groans. I take my alarm from the lamp table behind her and turn it off.