Where Are You Now?

To Leave Seattle

Chapter 51

The Co - How To Say Goodbye
Sam Tsui - Me Without You

Michelle's P.O.V

I'm sitting in my room looking at the ground hoping I could make it through. If I could just make it through this day; I could make it through anything.

A knock on the door interrupts my thoughts knowing that this is it and I'm not ready yet. I'd never be ready; not for this.

"Come in." I say and my voice cracks. "Hey." John says once he gets in and I force a smile. "Michelle, you need to get dressed. Everyone is waiting for you downstairs." He tells me and I nod standing without saying anything.

I open my closet looking for the black dress that I have always loved wearing until now.

I put it on with black tights and black shoes without doing anything with my hair and take a deep breath before going downstairs.

I find Robert, Chloe, Sasha, George, and my brother Jeremy downstairs. "Hey." Chloe says giving me a warm hug which I need now more than ever.

"Come on, let's go." Jeremy says placing his arms around me before we get in the car which my dad is driving with John while the others follow us in Robert's car.

"We will be okay." My brother says and his eyes are bloodshot of crying.

Only a few minutes later my dad parks his car in front of the church which seemed closer to our house now more than ever.

All of us leave the car and I watch as people enter wearing all black. "Come on." My dad says leading the way as we follow him.

We enter the church and I see everyone that I know here; including her friends from home before we had to move to Seattle.

All eyes turn to me as I wake to the front and sit on the wooden chair next to my brother and my father. "Let us start the mass." The priest says as soon as he enters and everyone stands.

***

Don't breakdown, don't cry. Not now, just wait until you get home. All that I was able to tell myself and all that I was able to hear until the mass ends.

I watch as people stand up leaving the church and right now I can feel warm tears on my cheeks. "God, this is unbelievable." I say taking a deep breath.

"Come on." John says holding my hand helping me to stand up and my legs start shivering as we leave the church and get in the car once again.

Right now, everything is passing too fast. It's like one moment everything is perfect and the other everything is falling apart and I don't know if I can survive this or not.

I've never felt this sad before and it just feels like I'm all alone in this big world no matter who is next to me.

"Are you okay?" Jeremy asks forcing a smile and I just nod. "We are here now. You could stay in the car." My father says turning to us once we reach the graveyard.

"No." I tell him and he nods in agreement and watch him as he leaves the car.

I get out of the car following my dad and my brother and I see everyone there including Zack and Austin. And I'm grateful for them for being here even though I don't have the strength to talk to them right now.

I don't know where Josh is or even if he knows that I've just lost my mother and that I need him now more than ever. I haven't heard from him for the past two weeks and all I want is to see his face one more time.

I'm tired of convincing him not to let me go and beg him to stay even though I tried calling him and reaching out for him hoping that he would just pick up but he never did.

And now only a few hours left before I go back home leaving Seattle and I will be miles away from him for my own good. I need to remember who I was before him and who I am now.

But I'll always take him back in a heartbeat.