Literature, lust and love - Professor Romanoff

THIRTY

I decided to skip Monday again, so my new English class was my first lesson after my hiatus. I stepped into the new room and I was met with my new teacher grinning at me eagerly. 

"Good morning, Desi, and welcome to English 204!"

I smiled meekly at the kind-looking woman who insisted I call her by her first name, and I trudged to the empty seat at the front of her room. "Thanks, Wanda." I shuffled into my seat, conscious of all the eyes on me as I sat down, feeling overwhelmed with the number of people considering I had been alone for a week.

"Professor Romanoff's transcript was filled with compliments, so I'm excited to see what you have in store for us. I expect greatness!" Wanda scrunched her nose up as she smiled, an endearing grin that had I been feeling better, I would have returned, but instead, I simply nodded my head at the brunette. My heart constricted at the thought of Natasha writing about me, and I imagined she found it hard to do, but she pushed through because she didn't want anyone knowing she was hurting. Or maybe, I thought, she was happy to get rid of me, so was already feeling better.

Wanda turned back towards her desk and started rustling around some papers, which let me look around the room. I turned my head to my left and saw that a brunette boy was looking at me curiously.

"Hi," I whispered.

"Oh, sorry for staring, I'm Tom."

"Desi," I offered.

"I know, Wanda mentioned you were joining last week. Why did you transfer classes?"

"Oh, timetabling issues, I got a job," I lied.

"Okay, that makes sense. I guess I was confused because I can't see anyone wanting to leave Professor Romanoff's class, I mean, have you seen her? Sex on legs that woman, wow!" My stomach turned at Tom's words, feeling slightly disgusted at his image of her. She was so much more than that, but now all I could think about was laying in bed with her after sex. That silence where both of us were still in absolute euphoria because of each other, and we barely had enough energy to even kiss each other. My lip started to tremble and I felt my head start to spin, so I fell out of my seat and ran to the door. Through the thumping in my head, I could just about make out Wanda calling after me, but I continued through the hallway and soon sank against the cool wall and sobbed into my knees, trying desperately to keep nausea at bay.

I felt Wanda put her hand on my back and rub it soothingly, as she whispered calming words in my ear. "It's okay, Desi." Her hand kept me in touch with the reality, else I feared I would slip away into darkness. I focused on trying to breathe and keeping as quiet as possible, but I kept hiccuping with tears.

"I'm so sorry, Wanda!" I sobbed harder, embarrassed at causing a scene in my first class. Wanda crouched down next to me and I leant my head onto her shoulder as she continued rubbing my back.

"Is everything okay, Wanda?" I heard a voice down the hallway behind Wanda, but I was too busy sobbing to recognise the speaker.

"Yeah, I can handle it, thank you, Natasha."

My heart dropped and I lifted my head up, and my eyes met Natasha's. Bags had taken refuge under her eyes and her hair was messily tied back into a ponytail, but she looked just as beautiful to me as ever. Her eyes widened when she saw me, and I could see out of the corner of my eyes that she was clenching her fist. I could see her calculating her next move, and what she did honestly surprised me.

"Breathe, baby," she mouthed with a stern look on her face, and I was too surprised to respond so I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes. By the time I had removed my hands from my face, Natasha was gone, the faint clip of her heels diminishing down the hallway. Now that I had stopped crying, thankfully, I started to question what I saw with my eyes. Did Natasha actually call me baby, or was it something else and my stupid heart just saw what it wanted to?

"Desi," Wanda cupped my chin and I winced at the contact, feeling unworthy of her kindness, "what's the matter hon?"

"It's stupid, and entirely my fault" I huffed.

"Try me, " Wanda said, peering sympathetically at me.

"I ruined my perfectly amazing relationship because I was a coward, but I'm still a coward so I can't even try to get them back."

Wanda sighed and sat down next to me, crossing her legs under her and placing both hands in her lap. "Why did the lion go to the wizard?"

"To get some courage."

"But when he got there, it turns out that he already had it. Desi, I think you need to think about whether it was really your cowardice that got in the way or something else because from the sounds of it you're a pretty brave girl."

"What do you mean?"

"You can accept that it's your fault, that's brave. You want to get them back, that's also brave. You just need to find that push from inside you to actually act on your courage."

"Then why did I ruin it?"

"I don't know about that, but before you do anything, can I suggest that you take some time for yourself?" Wanda chuckled as she nudged me with her shoulder. "I think you need to get out of this self-deprecating mindset before you try and win them back. They're not going to want to see you crying, it's downright depressing."

I turned my head and saw that Wanda was grinning, so I nudged her back. "Thanks, Wanda! I'll make sure to remember what you said when it comes to teacher assessments."

"Ah, so she does have a sense of humour! Welcome back to the world, Desi Dunn." Her grin dropped when she saw me stare off into space behind her, but she just let me sit there in silence as I gathered my thoughts.

"Thank you, Wanda, for sitting with me and talking it through. I'm sorry I took you from class." Guilt seeped into my voice but Wanda waved her hand, brushing away my concern.

"Oh, it's fine! They needed a break anyways, I'm sure half of them are sleeping. Come on, let's go see."

Wanda jumped up and held out her hands for me to take, and I gripped on and hoisted myself up. We walked back into the lecture hall, and sure enough, Tom and some other people were dozing off in their seats. I turned to Wanda and she smirked proudly, before bringing her finger to her lips and shushing the rest of the living, many of whom were now staring at my red eyes, but I just smiled sheepishly. She crept over to her computer and typed in a few words and quickly a bugle call was being blasted through the surround sound speakers. The sleepers jumped awake and I grinned at Tom falling out of his chair.

"Morning sleepyheads! How about some English, eh?" Wanda winked at me and I chuckled, taking out my notebook ready to listen to her lecture. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.