Endlessly trying... (gonkillu)

Chapter 14

(⚠️This whole chapter is smut...)
(Killuas pov)

I started to kiss him, his hands went to my sides holding them gently. "Nervous?" He asked as I nodded, "I can't help it," he smiled "that's ok, just relax, remember you're the one who was begging me for it," he said as I blushed "whatever," I said looking away. "Don't look away from me, I need your eyes on me the whole time so I can look for pain, I told you one twinge and I'm pulling out," I nodded.

He grabbed something out of his wallet. "Here," he said, handing me a condom. "Put that on me, when you think you're ready for me." I nodded, holding the package in my hand. He started to kiss my collarbone from the exposed skin of the robe as he untied it but didn't remove it yet.

I felt his hands wondering my body exploring it. His hands rested on my thighs. He gently rubbed circles on them as He left a few marks on my chest as he slowly removed the robe all the way. "Ok, what do you want me to do? Can I stretch you?" I nodded.

"I'm so sorry to bring this up especially at a times that's all about how much I love you, right now but when your dad did you know that to you, did he stretch you at all?" I shook my head "no he just stuck it in, I bleed a little, He left rips that bleed, I felt so embarrassing,"

"I'm so sorry love, I'm going to be gentle, just relax. Tell me to stop if it's to much ok?" I nodded I felt his fingers brush over my lower area, I shivered. "Can you suck these, I don't carry lube with me, only a condom," he said razing three fingers to my mouth. I nodded and  opened my mouth, gently placing them in and sucking on them, wrapping my tongue around them as I watched his face the whole time. He was blushing.

Then he pulled them out, I laid back down and tried my best to relax as I felt Gon start to push in his first finger to the first knuckle and I gasped. "Oh god," I whimpered quietly trying to hide pain if there was any to come. "You ok?" I nodded "yeah, keep going, it's good," his fingers were long and slender, he was able to get pretty deep just with them.

"Ok, I'm adding another," I nodded. I gripped his other arm and gasped again. "Oh Gon, it's-there really inside," I said as I looked down. "I'm gonna move," I nodded. He started to scissor them and get me as wide open as he could, he added the third finger and kept stretching and trusting them gently and slowly, in and out.

"Your doing really good love, I'm almost done," I nodded. I started to moan a little quietly and move my hips on his fingers. "Gon, I think I'm ready," I said looking him in the eyes "Ok, god I wish I had lube, it's going to be really uncomfortable probably, is there anything I can do?" He asked "I could suck you-"No Killua, no maybe some other time but right now it's all about you." He said as I blushed.

"It should be fine, after a while it will get more wet anyway" I said he nodded. I took a deep breath as I looked at the condom I was holding with a 'XL' on it. "You really wanna do this?" I nodded.

"Ok," he said, I slowly crawled to him and pushed him down on the bed and slowly took off his clothes not wanting to waste time and slid it off, looking at his half hard cock, and pumped it in my hands a few times.

"Is it really gonna fit?" He nodded, "I promise it will, it looks bigger then it is," I nodded, I peeled open the package and took out the rubber casing, I put it on his tip and rolled it on nice and tight, then  I pumped him a few more times as he let out a couple small moans.

"Ok, lay back down," I nodded and did as told, he was ready to go in at any moment, I was nervous. "Go easy please," he nodded, he threaded our fingers together on one hand, with his other he moved the head of his cock from my balls down to my hole, I took a deep breath.

"Oh god," I said as he pushed his head in. He was watching my face as he pushed in, I was trying so hard to hide the pain but it hurt too much and a couple tears fell out of my eyes. "Wait, stop for a second," I said as I started to cry. "Do you need me to pull out?" I shook my head "stay in, I'm just having flashbacks, I'm sorry," he shook his head "never be sorry," he said holding me and hugging me still inside.