The Ex Files

Deep Fissures

"I just don't understand what went wrong," Hal said in his most aggrieved, soulful tone of voice. "We were discussing a romantic getaway to the mountains, and suddenly Kelly blew up like a volcano because I was uncomfortable with letting her drive my car."

Gary the therapist, who did not look old enough to be a high school graduate, stopped tapping on his tablet and looked up. "What kind of car?"

"A 2013 Bernelli Audax BTX sedan. Will do 280 kph. I haven't gone all the way, but I'm looking forward to that moment." Hal's tone of voice suggested a depth of affection beyond anything he had ever shown Kelly.

Why am I even here? Kelly thought. He's just going to spin his version of reality until I lose my temper, and then he'll give Gary that see-what-I-have-to-deal-with look.

She forced herself to relax in her chair, taking deep cleansing breaths while the men discussed the merits of various Audax models. If she walked out, would they even notice?

Gary finally tore himself away from his conversation with Hal. "Kelly, I think Hector was just trying to protect you. An Audax is a handful, especially for a woman."

"It was never about the car," Kelly said, pretending she had not noticed Gary's intolerably sexist remark. "It was about broken promises. He didn't even remember that it was my birthday."

"I sent you roses," Hal protested.

The conversation collapsed into one of their classic bickering contests. Gary looked from one to the other and made no effort to intervene until the timer on his desk began beeping.

Just like a boxing match. End of Round One.

There was no Round Two.

"Time's up," Gary announced brightly. Hal and Kelly stared at him in silence as he reviewed his notes, awaiting his verdict.

Gary looked up. "As far as I can tell from what I've seen, your relationship has deep fissures and is prone to erratic eruptions. You were wise to terminate it. Couples therapy would just be a waste of time and energy at this point. If either of you is interested in pursuing individual therapy, please make an appointment at the reception desk. I'm pretty sure Carol could fit you in as early as two weeks from now."

Hal stood up and held out his hand in his best executive manner. "Thank you for your time."

"Enjoy your Audax," Gary said.

Kelly sat numbly, speechless. Hal put his hand on her shoulder.

"Come along, angel. I'm sure Gary has another client waiting."

They walked out to the parking lot without stopping at the reception desk. Hal's truck was waiting for them. The Audax was safely sequestered in the underground parking garage at the condo building, as it usually was because Hal was worried that it might be scratched, dented, or stolen.

"That guy is a charlatan," Hal said as he started the engine.

At least we agree on one thing, Kelly thought. Is that enough to build on? She had no serious interest in getting back together with Hal, but she was annoyed by Gary's casual condemnation of the relationship, and wanted to prove him wrong. She also wanted to drive that damn BTX sedan, just once.

"I'm sorry you wasted your money," Kelly said.

"Not to worry. That was a free consultation."

"You get what you pay for."

"How about a nice cappuccino at my place? We could have a real conversation without some prick lecturing us about deep fissures."

"No thanks. Just take me home."

She half-expected Hal to ignore her request, but he seemed to know that he had pushed things as far as they could be pushed. He drove sedately, with no evidence of road rage, until he pulled up in front of the blue house.

"Can you come over after work tomorrow?" Hal asked. "No cooking. We can get take-out. I really miss you."

Kelly almost admitted that she missed him too, but caught herself in time. "No. Sorry."

"If you're busy tomorrow, we can arrange another day."

Healthy boundaries, Kelly chanted internally. Healthy boundaries.

"I prefer not to make any commitments right now."

You idiot! Kelly chastised herself as she watched the truck roll away. Whatever happened to NEVER AGAIN??? For once in your life, can't you say NO and make it stick?

The problem was, she didn't want to say no. She wanted a version of Hal that she could say yes to. A version of Hal that did not exist and probably never would.