The Ex Files

It's Never Really Over

"I can't believe that you are leaving on a jet plane tomorrow," Kelly said. "I'm going to miss you so much."

"I will think of you every day," Belle said. "Who knows – if Chichi decides to disown me again, I might land right back here."

"That's not going to happen," Kelly assured her. "You're far too valuable. He needs you on his team."

Eleanor, Belle, Kelly and Tammy had gorged themselves on a deluxe dinner from the Flying Crane, and were relaxing in the living room. Kelly and Tammy had wrestled one of the armchairs from the rec room up the stairs, so everyone had a comfortable place to sit.

"Has anyone heard from He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?" Belle said. "He followed my mother to the mall a couple of days ago and asked her to give me his best wishes, etc. etc. Then he volunteered to recruit some new investors for Takeshi Home Designs. She declined graciously, because she is too much of a professional to do it any other way."

Eleanor wanted to change the subject, but she couldn't resist. "I don't want to admit it, but I'm glad to know he's still ticking. I feel sorry for him and I still care what happens to him."

"I think that's to be expected," Kelly said. "You were married for a long time. We can control our actions if we're lucky, but we can't control our feelings."

"I, for one, am grateful that you made the decision to break with Toro," Tammy said. "If he started hanging around here, I might lose it. I can't understand why you kept putting up with his bullshit."

"I don't know," Eleanor said. "Co-dependent personality? Maybe it's a mental illness. I know that I need to move on, but part of me is still hanging in there. Divorce is like some sort of crazy glue. It's never really over."

"I didn't know what a healthy relationship was until I met Rolf," Kelly said. "I read all kinds of self-help books, but I kept missing the message. Rolf values me, not what I can do for him. That makes me want to do everything for him. No calculations or hidden resentments."

"You've changed a lot since you first came in my front door," Eleanor said. "I couldn't be prouder if you were my own daughter."

Kelly grinned.  "You've changed quite a bit too. I'm looking forward to spending the winter together."

"I wonder if Wolfi will ever find that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow," Belle mused. "He certainly has the talent."

"He's obsessed with that pot of gold," Kelly said. "He imagines that will make him happy. He lives in a mythical future of boundless success, and spends money as if he has already arrived there. Rolf is so different. We have big plans, but we find our happiness in the here and now and enjoy everything life has to offer. Even if I never become a famous archaeologist and Rolf never graduates from vet college, we'll still have each other and a big barrel full of hope, and that will be enough."

Eleanor looked at Kelly, her eyes moist with tears. "Your happiness is bullet-proof. That's what I want."

The doorbell rang. Eleanor's stomach twinged. Every time she heard that sound she worried that it might be Hal, back to test her resolve. She was determined never to give in again, but in her nightmares, she kept falling into the same old trap.

She walked to the door slowly, steeling herself.

It was Pamina.

"Hi! Come in," Eleanor said, and ushered her into the living room, bringing a chair from the kitchen. "Would you like some left-over sushi?"

"No thanks. I'd probably throw up." Pam sat down and looked around wildly. "Hex is at my place."

"What?" Eleanor said.

"He showed up at the door. I shouldn't have let him in, but you know how persuasive he is. He has nowhere to go and wants to move in with me. When I told him to leave, he lay down on the floor in a foetal position and cried. I didn't know what to do, so I walked out."

There was a long silence in the room.

"I'll go back with you," Kelly volunteered. "We'll tell him he has to leave. If he won't go, we'll call 911."

Pamina shook her head. "I can't do that."

"You can't leave him alone in your apartment," Tammy pointed out. "He'll go through your stuff and steal anything worth taking. Are your business records locked up?"

"Most of them." Pam sat with her head down for a long minute. "I can't face him now. Please, can I stay here? Just for the night, until I figure out what to do."

"That's not our Plan," Eleanor said.

"I can't do the Plan now. I think I'm still in love with Hex."

Eleanor looked around the room, reading the faces of her friends. Kelly's was full of compassion. Tammy was wearing her I-can't-believe-this look. Belle looked completely detached. Her mind was probably in Victoria already.

I guess it's up to me to make the call. This is my house, after all.

If I say no, Pamina will probably go to a hotel. All she'll get here is an air mattress, but she'll be with friends who care about her.

Kelly and I should march Pamina back to her place and make her do the right thing, but she would change her mind the minute we turned our backs. This is something no one can do for her.

She held out her arms. "Welcome home."