The Ex Files

Purveyor of Orgasms

"What's wrong?" Eleanor asked.

Pamina didn't look up from her work. "Nothing. Just another normal day."

"You're not focused. The Pamina I know would have come in here fully prepared, and have everything cleared up in less than an hour. We've been at it for an hour and a half, and your superb accounting brain is wandering in the wilderness."

Pamina put down her pen. "You're right. I'm hung over. I'm sleeping with Hex again, and it's not what it used to be."

"Let's have a time out," Eleanor said. "I just got a tea blend called Sentimental Wishes, and it's quite nice."

"Good idea. I'll just finish up this declaration while it's steeping."

Eleanor felt just the tiniest twinge of jealousy as she prepared their tea. If only Hal would disappear into another universe and leave her and her friends alone!

She was grateful to be free of Hal's schemes and manipulations. It was crystal clear now that his love for her was considerably less compelling than his need for a cheap place to live. And that business about wanting a child! She would rather be a single Mom than be torn between her baby's needs and Hal's infantile demands. It was unfortunate that he had chosen Pam to be his next target. His shadow would darken both her friendship and her professional relationship with Pam.

"It's difficult to be in an intimate relationship with someone you can't trust," Eleanor said after they had settled in the living room. She wanted to tell Pam straight up that she should kick him out and lock the door behind him, but it was better to wait and let Pam connect the dots for herself.

"He's taking everything for granted. He's poaching my clients, talking about our business merger as if it were a fait accompli, and moaning about how much he wants to be a father."

"Has he mentioned that he needs to move in with you before the first of June?"

"Not exactly. But I've seen it coming. I didn't know that there was a firm deadline."

"The house he's living in has been sold."

"This is so awkward. You were engaged, after all. I swear I didn't have anything to do with him until you broke it off."

"It doesn't matter either way now," Eleanor said. "Why in the world did you let him back into your bed? You know it doesn't end there. He'll just keep pushing and pushing."

"I was lonely." Pam wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. "I thought that life in the duplex would be perfect, but I keep discovering that I'm homesick for the Blue Elephant."

"You've been married to your work. You need to extend your social horizons now."

"I've even been considering having a baby. When I was visiting my parents for Christmas, my mother kept bemoaning the fact that she has no grandchildren. She wouldn't care if I was married or not."

"You can't make an important decision like that just because your mother is feeling unfulfilled! What do you want?"

"I thought I knew – a successful business. Then Hex came along and turned everything upside down. I know I can do without sex, but I don't want to any more. And that baby next door is awfully cute when she's not crying."

"How are things going with the Sanderson's?"

"Marcie – Jonah's Mom – wants to control everything. She's on my back all the time about something or other. She even complained about the smell of my cooking."

"You don't cook," Eleanor pointed out. 

"I tried to tell her that.  She just looked at me as if I were insane. She said, 'Everyone cooks, dear.' I just shook my head and walked away.  I don't know what she's smelling -- maybe my incense.  Some of it is pretty powerful."

"How about the rest of the family?"

"Annie and Jonah have been really nice. They've invited me over a couple of times, and it was relatively pleasant. The kids are a pain in the butt sometimes, but they also have their good moments. Jonah has taken a two-year accounting course, so he's been helping me do some of my scut work on a casual basis.  He has a nonconfrontative way of  keeping me on schedule. If I were to ask anyone to be my business partner, it would be him."

"So where does Hal -- Hex -- fit in?"

"Purveyor of orgasms. There are vibrators for that, but I seem to be addicted to the personal touch and nonsensical sweet nothings murmured in my ear."

Eleanor smothered a giggle. "At least you can shut a vibrator off and put it away when it's finished its work."

"I should have thought of that before I let him get his foot in the door."

The conversation lapsed into silence as they finished their tea. Finally, Pam spoke. 

"I see that you've taken the FOR SALE sign off your lawn. Could I move back in?"

"In theory." Eleanor set her cup down. "Your room is still empty. But I think you would regret it in the long run. Once you're a home owner, you'll feel more settled. In the meantime, why don't you visit more often? It'll be gardening weather in a month or so. Remember all the great plans we had for the yard? We could do that together. I've already hired Patrick and his uncle to do some basic landscaping, so we would get to do the fun stuff, like the herb garden."

"Sounds like a plan," Pam said.  "But let me know if someone else wants to rent that room, because I want first dibs."