The Ex Files

What's Best For My Son

"Process addiction?" Susan snorted. "You've got to be kidding. Kids play video games. It's no big deal."

"It is if the games start interfering with the necessities of life."

Eleanor had spent three hours studying The Plan, working up the nerve to phone her sister and solicit her co-operation. She had little hope that Susan Know-it-All would listen to anything she had to say, but she had to try, because The Plan would not work unless Susan and Sean were on board.

"He'll grow out of it," Susan said. "Tell him that he's welcome to come home. If he doesn't want to go to university, there's always community college."

"If he shows up at your place, you have to tell him that he has to go to rehab before he can live with you, and he'll have to abstain from gaming."

"Why are you making such a federal case of this? It's ridiculous."

"There's a book by Dr. James Trasker," Eleanor said. "It's called Crushed: the Black Hole of Process Addiction. It will explain things better than I can."

"I don't need a book to tell me what's best for my son."

Eleanor held her breath, holding back the furious words she wanted to throw at Susan. This was no time to lose sight of the central issue. That was item #5 of The Plan: Keep your focus.

"I'd like to give you the contact number for a support group—"

"A support group? Forget it. I already go to a support group to keep Sean off my back. I can't spend all my time running to meetings."

"They're good people, Susan. Not judgemental at all. I've only been to one meeting, but I already feel like I belong."

"You expect me to go to a support group with you? You've got to be kidding!"

"You don't have to. There's a Reality Check group meeting in Leduc."

"Forget it. Even if they are angels from heaven, I am not going to discuss my private family matters with a bunch of strangers. And if you know what's good for you, you'll keep your mouth shut! People remember things forever, and use them against you later."

"You don't have to say anything. Just listen. Please."

Susan was stonily silent, except for her heavy breathing. Eleanor imagined smoke coming out of her nostrils, like a dragon about to spew fire.

"We can help him, Susan. But we have to stop feeding his problem. As long as we let him play us off against each other, things will keep going downhill."

"What made you a fountain of wisdom all of a sudden? You didn't raise him. You can't suddenly decide to be a mother."

Keep my focus. Keep my focus. No detours or distractions.

"I love Patrick. I want what's best for him. Susan, I know you do too. We have to work together."

"Fine – tell him to get his ass home!" Susan said.

Eleanor began to plead with her, but there was no response. She was talking to empty air.

She sat for a long time, staring into space. The conversation had ended exactly as she feared. What could she have done differently? She had kept her temper, focused on the issue, dealt in facts instead of fantasies. She had followed the plan. But nobody had given Susan a copy.

Just like Patrick, Susan had a choice. She could decide what to do, and face the consequences.

When all was said and done, all Eleanor had to offer was the dignity of choice.

Is this what hitting bottom feels like? Total helplessness? The Black Hole of Co-Dependency? If I can't let go, I might as well jump off a cliff and get it over with. I don't want to watch what happens next. I want the Hallmark Ending, where love prevails and we all make up and live happily ever after.

"What's up?" a voice said at her elbow, startling her.

Kelly, home from work.

"Have you ever read this book?" Eleanor asked, holding up Crushed.

"Oh yes. It scared me so badly that I uninstalled all my games and started reading self-help books instead."

"I thought it was crazy at first, Eleanor said. "But then I remembered that after Hal bought our first gaming system, I used to spend entire sleepless nights playing Monopoly because I thought that was better than eating myself sick. Hal kept buying more and more games. I wasn't interested in most of them, but there were a few that seemed to be calling my name over and over. When I was playing, I forgot all my problems."

"It's really hard to find a balance between all or nothing," Kelly said.

"I thought all that was needed was a bit of common sense and self-discipline, but now nothing seems to be the only safe solution. I can't believe what's happening to Patrick. He's so intense that I'm afraid to interrupt. If I had a magic wand, I'd make all those games disappear."

"It might be a better world," Kelly mused. "A little escape is okay now and again, but it gets deadly long-term."

"Let's make pancakes tonight," Eleanor said. "I need comfort food."