The Ex Files

The Black Sheep Daughter

"Are you sure you won't come to Gananoque with me? It's really lovely this time of year, and you've never been."

Susan had asked the same question four different times, marshaling every possible argument. The most powerful ones was this might be your last chance to see your mother. How will you feel if she dies and you never took the opportunity to say good-bye?

Susan had not yet booked any flights, but when she did, she wanted to book for two. Eleanor didn't know if Susan really wanted her company, or whether it was just because she did not like traveling alone.

"Sorry. I have to stick with this job." Eleanor tried not to sound too impatient. When was Susan going to get the message that she was not interested?

"That's only a temporary position – you don't have much to lose!"

Damn it, Susan. Do you always have to put me down? This job is important to me, no matter how long it lasts.

"I don't think there's any reason for panic," Eleanor said in her most soothing, candy-coated tone. "Mom is out of the hospital. I've talked to her, and she seems to be doing fine."

"You know she lies about her health. Anything to keep Dad in blissful ignorance. The only way to be sure is to check things out in person. Maybe this time, I'll manage to persuade her to give me an information consent so I can talk to her doctor. Gananoque is such a hick town. Mom needs a referral to some competent specialists in Ottawa."

"Why are you so sure that the cancer is back?"

"It's textbook. Breast cancer, then lung cancer, metastases, slow and miserable death. That's what happened to Aunt Grace. It's genetic."

By the time the conversation was finished, Eleanor felt completely dragged out. She had managed to keep her temper in check, but at what price? Yelling at her overbearing bitch of a sister would have allowed her to let off some steam. She could have broken off the conversation much sooner, steaming with self-righteousness.

She had only about half an hour left before bedtime. Would her brain stop churning before then, or would she spend half the night speculating about what was really going on with her mother?

She started playing her favourite calming CD,  Peaceful Harbour, and settled herself in her recliner.

Slow, deep, cleansing breaths...

I release all my tension ... my worries ... my regrets ... my fears.

I will drift into healing sleep and awake with new energy and creativity.

Exhale and let go. Create a clear mind and peace.

Her mind refused to clear. She decided to review her day instead. Sometimes, recalling the highs and lows helped her recover her balance. This had been a good day, even though it ended badly.

She recalled the faces of the patients at the hospital, one by one, remembering their hair styling challenges and their stories. Mrs. Parks had told her that her visit was the highlight of her day. "I hope you stay forever!" Eleanor responded that she would enjoy that, but she could make no promises, because she was only a temp. "Well, if they won't hire you permanently" Mrs. Parks declared, "I'm going to organize a demonstration! We are health care consumers – customers – and the customer is always right!"

She had stayed after work to give Mrs. Willoughbee a back rub and a foot massage. While she was leaving for home a week ago, she had heard Mrs. W. crying in her room, and could not resist going in to comfort her. Somehow, that had become a daily ritual. Back rubs and foot massages were not part of her job description, but she didn't have the heart to disappoint this lonely old lady who had trouble sleeping.

Ms Carmichael had seen her coming out of Mrs. W's room and had seemed a little curt. Eleanor expected to be reprimanded for exceeding her official role, but nothing was said. Eleanor wondered whether there would be repercussions, and decided that she was borrowing trouble. She was off the clock, and no one could tell her what to do with her own time.

She had a seat to herself on the bus ride, and enjoyed the walk home in the fall air. She cooked perogies from the farmer's market, along with bacon and a spring mix salad with pea sprouts and fresh strawberries. Kelly seemed to enjoy the meal as much as she did.

While she was having her after-dinner tea, Belle Amamiya phoned to tell her that she wanted the loft as of December first. She asked for Eleanor's e-mail so that she could transfer a $500 deposit, and apologized that she could not move in sooner. She had tried to negotiate with her landlords, but they insisted on 30 days' notice. Eleanor told her that was completely normal and expected, and invited her to start moving her possessions in any time she wanted.

The deposit arrived in Eleanor's inbox fifteen minutes later. Eleanor transferred the money to her chequing account, paid her credit card bill, and looked forward to a peaceful evening. Kelly had disappeared with Rolf and would be back when she was back.

Then Susan had called and disrupted everything.

Even if she had nothing better to do, Eleanor had no desire to travel to Gananoque. Her parents rarely phoned, and never invited her to visit. Their conversations revolved around Len's children, Jane and Anthony, whom Eleanor had seen only in social media pictures. It was as if her parents had forgotten that she existed.

Eleanor had never felt particularly close to her parents, but their relationship was reasonably harmonious until Patrick was born. After that, Susan was the favoured child, mother of their first batch of grandchildren. June opted for a single lifestyle while she pursued her academic career, and was teaching courses in literature and fine arts at the University of Winnipeg. Len moved to Ontario, built his career, and courted Lanyse. Eleanor had not seen them since their wedding. Her parents found Gananoque congenial, and migrated there shortly after Lanyse announced her first pregnancy.

Eleanor sighed. She had not given her parents much thought since they left the province. Should she have made a more determined effort to keep family ties intact? Did they ever miss her? Was her mother really dying? And if she was, would the presence of her black sheep daughter bring her any comfort?